Sobre las pupilas

...dice la leyenda:
"Cuando se te dilatan las pupilas es que estas clavado en alguien..."

a que pupilas tan "dilatadoras"

Oh My....

I didn't do any updates on November.. And so much can happen in a month, a week, a day.. but damn more than two months.. lol.. Workload is a bitch, getting fat.. lol, got asked to work on a music project.. got some, missed some.. life goes on and for the third time on a row, I got third place at my work's tournament. Yeah, I'm still trying to get a rhythm going. Which is basically sorting things out and then move on. God help me.. I'm so unorganized lol

kudos

Carlito's Way...

To be on top of the Game you have to be a Ninja,
always have the element of surprise...

To me...

...
This was supposed to be the last time
I told myself this wouldn't happen again
I told myself I wasn't ever going to call you
I told myself I wasn't going to let you back in
but here I am dialing, trying
...

When I run

When I run I fly
I run I live
I run from myself to myself
I run to break the monotony
I run to reach
I run to train
I run to think
I run and run

Redefining Oneself... (How to)

Step 1. Respect oneself.

Step 1. LOVE oneself.
Step 2. Respect oneself.
Step 3. Finding oneself.

Step 1. Finding oneself.
Step 2. Confront oneself.
Step 3. LOVE oneself.
Step 4. Respect oneself.
Step 5. Be ONE with oneself.

No more stones, enter the Carnator

Enter the Carnator,
the player,
the goal seeker,
the man,
the fool,
the one,
the monster.

The Killer.

Me,
Carnator

Darkest Dream..

iba en un auto
en el lugar detrás del conductor
el conductor era mi entrenador de básquet de la uni
y los otros lugares estaban ocupados por otros dos señores
e íbamos de noche
por una carretera de dos carriles
luego como que estábamos perdidos pero yo si sabia hacia donde ir
y ya íbamos rumbo hacia la autopista pero antes dimos una vuelta a la derecha a una carretera pavimentada pero de un solo carril
y no había nada de luz
y dije: "creo que por aquí no es"
y me respondieron: "no pues, creo que tienes razón"
pero en eso, se acabo la carretera y caímos en un pozo súper profundo
totalmente oscuro
en el momento de que nos percatamos que se acabo la carretera, pensé, que sea un vado o una trinchera...
pero al siguiente microsegundo estábamos en caída libre
y cabía todo el coche y no topábamos con nada, ni paredes..
y los demás gritaban
como que leí el pensamiento de mi entrenador que pensaba, como es posible que exista algo así, sin señalamientos, ni advertencias, ni guarniciones
y yo estaba tranquilo.. pero triste porque de repente todos supimos que era el fin
mas yo
y como que todos quisimos tomarnos de la mano, pero no se pudo
y yo comencé a rezar el Padre Nuestro
y seguíamos cayendo...

esperando el golpe...

pero en eso, seguí rezando y comencé a despertar...

y finalmente desperté.

God, I never had such a horrible dream like that...
And its said that: "Dreams are the window to enlightment..."
Ha! go figure...

My day starts at 1:00 AM

My days start at 1,
and today, one more year passes by.
I confess I sometimes look back,
but there's nothing that is worth lagging.
I reminisce of the then and smile, I glow...
from this last year, not only do I glow,
but I have an afterglow from that...

Today, I go to sleep calmly...
I got the sound of the sea to soothe me,
I got the wind of the sea to whisper to me...
Now I got the smell of sea to calm me...

Gracias por todo...
Te quiero tanto.


Hombre de ojos verdes.

A Personality Test

Dear Carlos Garcia:

Here are your Brainbench Personality Assessment Results.
Please review these results carefully and refer to the
interpretation notes at the bottom.

PERSONALITY EVALUATION:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
     Trait       |<--|---|---|---- Range ----|---|---|--->|     Trait
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Introverted        |..................X.....................|  Extraverted
Candid             |......................................X.|  Considerate
Impulsive          |......X.................................|  Cautious
Excitable          |..............X.........................|  Relaxed
Practical          |..................X.....................|  Imaginative
Concrete           |......................X.................|  Abstract
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
                 |<--|---|---|---- Range ----|---|---|--->|        
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Social Boldness: Introverted VS Extraverted
------------------------------------------------------------
You are slightly introverted. Do you ever say to people,
"I'm really an introvert" and then they look at you funny?
That's because you can be both Extraverted and introverted,
but in social situations people see you as an Extravert.
Your enthusiastic and self-confident personality, plus your
ease at talking to strangers gives the appearance that you
are outgoing, even though you may attribute it to just
being a friendly person. You find yourself at the center of
attention, even though you may not actively seek that
position. You are such a warm person that people like to
follow you. Which is good, since you have no problem
accepting your role as a leader when it is given to you.
With your ability to flow easily from shy to outgoing, you
may tend to easily flow from exciting adventures to
relaxing times at home. This makes you a fun person to be
around, because you do not always have to be on the go, yet
you know there is more to life than reading and watching TV.

Your Agreeableness: Candid VS Considerate
------------------------------------------------------------
You are very considerate. You are a popular person, aren't
you? Of course you are. You truly value harmony in dealing
with others.  People recognize your friendly, generous, and
helpful personality. Your easy-going, agreeable nature
makes you such a joy to be around. This is especially true
in meetings or general conversations. The topic may become
heated, but you are considerate of other's feelings and you
will find a happy medium in order to placate those around
you. This is because you have an optimistic view of human
nature and you realize that if you trust people with their
decisions that they are not trying to hurt you or take
advantage of you. This special and rare quality is also
seen in your altruism. You enjoy helping others. To you it
is not a sacrifice; to you it is fulfilling to help others
in need.

Your Self-Control: Impulsive VS Cautious
------------------------------------------------------------
You are quite impulsive. You are an independent thinker.
You do not need a book of rules to tell you how to behave -
you know inside what is right and what is wrong and you act
accordingly. You are able to live life spontaneously,
because you are able to make decisions without endless
deliberation. In fact, when you and another person are
making a decision, you are able to reach a solution fairly
quickly while the other person has to cautiously plan every
step. Eventually, they will agree with you, which is
frustrating when your first impulse is usually the correct
one in the decision-making process. You tend to be a little
more casual, and you do not feel out of sorts when your
home or office is not perfectly neat. In general, your life
is pleasurable - you know how to have fun and will never be
accused of being staid or stuffy.

Your Anxiety Level: Excitable VS Relaxed
------------------------------------------------------------
You are moderately excitable. In trying situations, you
feel somewhat stressed and frustrated. At times you are
able to overcome these feelings, but other times you feel
overwhelmed. This could run the gamut of just being in a
bad mood to experiencing anxiety, anger, or depression. In
general, you prefer a stress-free existence, so that the
possibility of negative emotions would not be a factor. You
tend to be somewhat self-conscious in social situations,
and are worried that people may judge or criticize you. You
may react emotionally to people or circumstances that you
find threatening, because you want to protect yourself.
Every so often you cave into urges or cravings. Sometimes
you feel a little guilty about it, other times you are just
fine with your fun streak.

Your Openness to Change: Practical VS Imaginative
------------------------------------------------------------
You are slightly practical. It is apparent to those who
meet you that you are well educated. You are able to speak
on a complex level to one audience, but adjust to a more
basic level for another. You are bright and capable of
thinking logically. On one hand you are down-to-earth and
traditional, while on the other hand you are creative and
imaginative. Sometimes you feel more comfortable with
familiarity and routine in your life, other times new and
novel experiences are more enjoyable. You are not afraid to
try new things. You tend to like to do a variety of
different activities, so you do not grow bored.

The way you Think/Reason: Concrete VS Abstract
------------------------------------------------------------
You are slightly abstract in your thinking. Your thinking
is neither simple nor complex, to others you appear to be a
well-educated person but not an intellectual. You tend to
be intellectually curious and have the uncanny abilities to
distinguish imaginative, creative people from
down-to-earth, conventional people.




INTERPRETATION NOTES

(1) The report sent to your computer screen upon the
completion of this assessment is only a temporary web page.
When you exit your web browser you will not be able to
return to this URL to re-access your report.  A copy of the
report is emailed directly to you when you complete the
assessment.

(2) Personality traits describe, relative to other people,
the frequency or intensity of a person's feelings,
thoughts, or behaviors.  Possession of a trait is therefore
a matter of degree.  We might describe two individuals as
extraverts, but still see one as more extraverted than the
other.  This report uses expressions such as "extravert" or
"high in extraversion" to describe someone who is likely to
be seen by others as relatively extraverted.

(3) Please keep in mind that scores on a personality
assessment are neither good nor bad.  As with any
personality inventory, scores and descriptions can only
approximate an individual's actual personality.  Questions
about the accuracy of your results are best resolved by
reviewing and discussing your report with people who know
you well.
-----------------------------------------------------------
I found this to be 80-90% accurate.. It's very interesting.
Visit http://www.brainbench.com/ and look for the free certifications. Good Stuff!!!

Before I tuck in...

I kept my promise,
but still doesn't make me any less sadder...

I want you here,
I want you near,
I just wanted to see you.

Hoy triste, mañana no se.(Freestyle, con todo y errores ortográficos)

Hoy me voy a acostar muy triste, porque estoy desesperado. He de confesar que todas las noches me voy a dormir imaginandome que soy un piloto de jet de combate. Hoy no tengo jet, y no tengo ganas de volar. No lloro, porque mi operacion de ojos me los seco. Ni me cayo, porque hoy no puedo.
Quisiera algo tan sencillo, y no lo puedo. Quisiera estar contigo y estas lejos. Nunca tengo los suficientes abrazos de ti y por eso no dejo de pedir mas. Aun con todos mis problemas, y todos mis retos, y cualquier corriente en contra, te quiero y quiero estar contigo. Y no lo puedo contener.
Ya que andamos en las confesiones, todos los dias peleo, y todos los dias reclamo, y todos los dias le pido a Dios que todo se solucione. La verdad es que voy a seguir luchando, pero a veces parece que peleo por algo efimero, porque en mi casa peleo por la mujer de mi vida pero no tengo novia afuera. Eso es lo que duele y pesa. No estoy deprimido, pero esto es tristeza, no lo sabia, pero vaya que hay una gran diferencia.
Yo se que es fuerte, yo se es profundo, yo se que es directo, y muy probablemente fuera de lugar. Pero no me pude aguantar.
Termino diciendo que a veces todo esto me hace muy cansado, pero de ti, jamas!

I just had to get this out

Disappointment? Coincidence Not

Let me hear words and letters that will make feel alright

Because I feel unprotected and I feel faint.

My eyes were placed where not mine should have been laid.

Like the tension in guitar strings strung so hard

The notes rip the air and such resonance strikes bold.

Break my thumbs, Burn both my index fingers, Cut the middle ones,

Sting my ring ones, dislocate the little ones.

Put my right hand on the fire and the left one on top of

Cube of icy feelings and slippery thoughts.

Because I can't believe, when everything seems set on sail

The wind doesn't sound, all is dull.

Once is a surprise, but twice not a coincidence, its will intended,

How it bothers me so, I rather break a bone but still words fall short....

But words can soothe and make me come at peace,

I wish I could hear the words that conform.

I know they are there...

All I want to hear is something that makes me feel safe.

All will be good.

Tracking how wings grow...

Meet me here....

PS: 5 weeks behind.. Lost 4 cm...

To irony

Here's a dedication to irony:

Gavin DeGraw - "More Than Anyone"

You need a friend
I'll be around
Don't let this end
Before I see you again
What can I say to convince you
To change your mind of me?

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

Look in my eyes, what do you see?
Not just the color
Look inside of me
Tell me all you need and I will try
I will try

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna to love you more than anyone

Free for you, whenever you need
We'll be free together, baby
Free together, baby

I'm gonna love you more than anyone
I'm gonna hold you closer than before
And when I kiss your soul, your body'll be free
I'll be free for you anytime
I'm gonna love you more than anyone

I'm going to love you more than anyone

Why did it have to be so ironic?

Basketball Finals.

Basketball finals at the Sunday tournament. Our First game!
Click here for the full scoop!
Stats, Review and scratches too!

Turning.

The wind has changed,
the gear has shifted,
the door is unlocked,
the window is open,
the tide has turned,
I'm not afraid...

This time, I was not, and am not afraid..............

Nameless wonder.

I just think about a phrase that echoes in me right now: "I'm going to rip up a new one"... Sound familiar? Duke Nuke'm 3D.. Yeah, going to get a new everything, because I have always have had the need to find purpose, balance and motivation. Do I think about everything? perhaps.. Do I risk everything when I feel like it? I've tried... What's my most highly regarded value? Honor... What do I despise? Uncertanty... What do I desire? Companionship... What do I need? peace... How do I feel? Weary...

It's not up to me,
I've laid the foundation...
"Table is set,
the pieces are moving..."
I've made my move.

Nike

... knows how to break paradigms:
Just do it!

#125

"Serias tu..."

All that needs to be said....
=)

Event Data Dump: 1145232300000@127.0.0.1

#Unknow>Ping Carnator.Cell.Number()
c4rn470r\.Raise Inbound Comm Packet Alert;
c4rn470r\.Execute Trace Comm Packet;
Warning: Unknow@1C1172FE3 has requested Ping Notification.
c4rn470r\.Execute whoIS 1C1172FE3 >> Pong -trace;
c4rn470r\.Notice Timeout set to "Minimum" @1145232420000;
..
..
c4rn470r\.Raise Inbound Comm Packet Alert;
c4rn470r\.Execute Scan Comm Packet.content();
Notice Results: No Id Header. Messege Content - Relevant. Re-quest Carnator;
Warning: Unrequested Carnator.MainThread.Escalation Detected.
c4rn470r\.Execute Pong "Pings Recieved" >> Conclude.Handshake -mode:Courteous;
..
..
c4rn470r\.Raise Inbound Comm Packet Alert;
c4rn470r\.Notice Anonymous Handshake finished;
c4rn470r\.Notice Timeout set to "Immediate" @1145232840000;
Carnator.MainThread.Sleep.Resume;

Shoutout..

You've got the future on your side
You're gonna be fine now
I know whatever you decide
You're gonna shine

Tear down these walls for me
Stop me from going under
You are the only one who knows
I'm holding back

I walk beside you
Wherever you are
Whatever it takes
No matter how far

Through all that may come
And all that may go
I walk beside you
I walk beside you

Pineapple.. go figure...

I got tucked in,
I closed my eyes and you talked to me..
I could see you and right before I went to sleep
I sliped off right after your sweet pineapple kiss..


and I confess, I've never had such a sweet dream sleep...

It's almost perfect

Today is almost perfect,
it's cloudy but it's not raining,
I'm in shape, but sick,
My game is on, but it's held back...

Everything is perfect,
My job rules, but I still desire more,
My skill kicks ass but it's unexploited,
My eyesight is 15/20, but I can't see..
My wings are unharnessed, but won't take off...

There is something missing..
Just my one final piece.

Of love, madness and hope

"I never thought love could be like this...
I never expected this type of love...
I've never been happier...
I love you.."


Sorry.. I just don't belive this bull shit right now, but I got to keep practicing for when it happens...

Today

God damn it.. a lot happened today, it was supposed to be a good day, I mean, it rained.. but noooo, I had to stay in the freaking office until like 10 o'clock trying to get a damn pie chart working.. so frustrating when there is no documentation... grrr..
At least I became a Master Ninja in NG today.. only after 3 months, and my score put me in the top 40 in Xbox Live world wide.. cool..

zip!

One of my days..

When I woke up today, I something felt right. I looked out the window and it was very cloudy. Later on, I was outside and then I knew it was one of my days... it was raining! It's been so long since it rained, and as I sit at the office looking out the window I feel like this is on of my days. Now I procede to go out for coffee.. perfect weather.. I love it..

Pain?

“The only reward from pain is experience.”

- Aeschylus

For you friend...

Los hombres son como los vitrales, brillan y resplandecen cuando los ilumina el sol; Sin embargo, cuando cae la oscuridad, su verdadera belleza se revela solamente si hay luz interior.

E. KR

Don't lose your shine friend...

Hola Luna

Hola luna, hoy me hablas, te asomas por la ventana encima de mi puerta y me buscas un mio suspiro...
Te digo: "Hoy no tengo, y los que tenia ayer ya se han ido..."
Vete por ahora, que no te requiero, no tengo inspiracion, ahorita no tengo consuelo.
Acaso no ves la yaga que aun brota con fervor de colera?
Ahora me duele mucho, y el frio no me sana, pero entumece...
Mis pies lloran desnudos y le solicitan a las manos un descanso,
Aun no encuentro el placer de estar afuera y lejos,
pero si se que el dolor no es etereo y que bien vale cualquier esfuerzo.
Suelta ya, que no me dejas respirar, deja ya de soñar,
mis alas no son para atar ni tu luz para deslumbrar.
Voltea a otro lado, haz mi camino mas sencillo,
que verte me quita un suspiro.

A time to reminisce.

Free style...
Shit, for some goddamn reason I feel like shit, and it's funny how these last weeks I've been running at night and I know it's kinda cold... I don't feel the cold at all. I've gone to the court after sunset, I take of my sweatshirt, I know it's freezing, but I don't feel it. Right now my house is cold as hell, and I feel fine... I'm not sick, I just feel angry right now.. I have no clue! yeah, I do feel sad, and I'm fucking writing about it! How I wish.. how I wish there was something to kick right now. I must confess, I'm human.. I do regret... I fail constantly... I quit things I should finish.. I should not need to have pressure to get something done... I must confess, last year a door was opened I did not know it existed, now I hate, now I resent, now I blame... AAAAAHHH!!! WTF is this? I remember my dreams now, *sarcastically* heh... "dreams are the window to enlighment"... here's some enlightment, lonelyness burns like hell! and I'm such a skeptic because, it really is love that heals, not time, and I need a healer... anyone?
I need to GTFO of this place! I must aquire ghost killing skills, I wish I could just rip my heart out... you see, there's this thing cleaved in it, let me introduce you to it:
-this is "Why?".
-"Why?", this is: (your name here).
You've been acquanted... Now, this little booger has been around quite some time and right now it's kicking ass... my ass in particular. At times, it's very friendly and useful too, right now it's just bitchy... what an interesting word, I can collocate it with so many things, and the connotations with it too... for some reason it evokes people's names in particular, whooo, what a list.. too long for this post, but let's not go there. Ahh, this rant has been really soothing... I feel like... well, let's just say I feel better.. it's like that time in highschool, "..I just don't give a fuck!"

letter

Hey you...
I've seen you outside and felt the cold air hit you in the face,
as you ran, no distance changed between where you were and where you need to be.
Back to the old ways for an old illness and do please weedout that nasty root,
do please reach and don't stop this time, as the road is before you but you don't want to take.
Won't you fly like a free bird?
Where is your head I placed so long ago?
Because the tear you shed is only your caged reflection.
Has the gravity of your memories worn you out?
Hey, wake up!

Clo5e to Today..

On day like today..
maybe colder, but nice...
good coffee, good conver5ation..
good memorie5..
5o many laugh5..
I mi55 that..
the 5tart of it all, and a year ha5 pa5t, there'5 nothing I can regret, but many thing5 to thank...
and i5 not looking too much back, but it'5 definetly made me 5ome of what I am...
how I wi5h... the day would everla5t...

Yet another piece of mind...

It's love that heals.. not time.

New Year's

Ever wonder how is it possible that so many people perform rituals in hope of getting better luck in wealth, health, love? Cuz to me, I find really hard to belive that the color of undergarment one might wear on New Year's will have an influence on the next year of my life... as if the color red in my undies will dictaminate how well I will do in love life... or whether my ability to go on a vacation trip depended on the ritual of getting out of my house with suitcases and running around the block once on New Year's eve... I mean, really!? I think it would be cool if it were like that, you know? we all would have perfect relationships, and poverty wouldn't exist.. cool, huh? Unfortunately, for an skeptic like me, the real world works under a different order. Red underwear doesn't make you have better relationships, it just makes you feel more sexy, and depending on the type, makes a fine lady über-sexy... Running arround your block with suitcases doesn't make you look too stupid, just like your late for something... go figure.
Anyways, I just want to wish everyone I know and like and love a good New Year and hope for the best this 2006... and a recommendation (another rant): Don't make any New Year's resolutions or purposes, they are like diets. They work at the begining, but as soon as the diet is over you go back to your usual habits and to where you started when you began the diet. So don't diet, do excersice, change your habits, re-invent yourself. So translated, don't make resolutions, make New Year's convictions... It's kinda like the difference between a promise and an oath.. one is much stronger and your more deeply bound to it.
Best Wishes!