Thursday, December 29, 2005

Blog B-day

Interesting... a year ago I started this and well.. it's been quite a trip, lot's of things have happened and what is interesting to me is how I see things differently now. A year full of memories, scars, open wounds, tears, smiles, colors, surprises, operations, new eyes, dissapoinments, raises, props, trips, hopes, light, dark, shade, sparks, greatness, coolness... Let's see if the next year lives up to the challenge of raising the bar.. cyall..

Carnator

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My eye color should be..

Your Eyes Should Be Brown

Your eyes reflect: Depth and wisdom

What's hidden behind your eyes: A tender heart
What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Just FYI, my eyes are mainly green but Lightish Brown..

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Thank you

I hadn't had the chance to say it, but to everyone that called me, sms me, thought of me during my eye surgery....

Thank you.

This has been a true turning point of my life, and I really appreciate all of you that had my back. Really, thanks. I love y'all.. and I got your back too!

Of the things that come to mind #10

I forgot how good it feels to fully spread all wings...

Open, breathe, fly...

Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Of the things that come to mind #9

I long for the sweetest of sensations and deepest of sentiments.

Let me see your shine...

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Of the things that come to mind #8

Take a good look because the I that was you will never see no more.
I am the I will.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Of the things that come to mind #7

What I see is only the begining.
What I dream is what I shine.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Of the things that come to mind #6

You can't expect things to change if you can't expect to change yourself.

Monday, November 21, 2005

The voyage

So a new journey begins, just like the turning of a page to mark the end of a long chapter, and even though the next is different, it's still tied to the previous one...
...But you keep on moving, each footstep taken get's you closer to the end. Not everyone can see it, not anyone can reach it, yet we all have it.

We are what we've been, and always seek the same thing. Whether it's on a plain under the blue sky or on top a hill, our path is rightgeous but we bleed from within...
...No rest is ever given, and no comfort true, sweet words always come with poison and not all kisses are pure.

I can read back as much as I want, but there's no reason to stay stuck on the past. I could allways think of the future and miss and wish for all of today's sensations...
...I would live only in the present, spend a lifetime with no true direction, forsake the pain through history and lessons, obliterate all chances of hope and expectations.

My life's voyage, my heart's intentions, my physical strength, my soul's place, that through Humanness, enables me to reinvent myself with desire. Desire to shine...
...through my past, and shine...
...into the future, and shine...
...with what I learn everyday.

As each of us has the ability to reinvent oneself, we never cease to learn. Should I ever come to say that I'm only one way, then I've stopped the voyage and stopped being myself...
...because I am not voluble, but I evolve. I don't forget, I reminisce. I don't wonder, I think ahead. I don'r resent, I thank. I don't stand, I walk. I don't freefall, I fly. I don't hear, I listen. I don't sit, I try. I don't diminsh, I shine.

I love this voyage, I love my life.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

A kick to the past in the ass...

It's funny at the moment
how I fell so sweet and sound
when the facts are so much different
problem? what problem?
ghost? what ghost?
I've been struggling and fighting something
that is not there and never will be...
The past is what made me what I am today...
It's like a foundation, thank god I have so much light because of that
what still hurts though is all the things that were real,
all that was shared,
the second in time when everything stood still,
the touch of the finger on the back of your neck
in the right place at the moment it had to be...
the words of counsel and disbelivef
the depth of the eyes while holding a sweaty palm,
the request of a lifetime.... which the answer to is yes
the hidden smile,
the soothing of the heart
the caress on the cheek
the curious inquiry..
the pull between us...


my walk is dull
and I my sight is down
as I live and live on
but everything seems gray..

I miss the rain, and the fresh air..

halls of hollow...
blue nets of sorrow..

to find a courtyard of sky and pearl
a tower to watch wide and far,
and a balcony, to step out of and fly...

..to my special someone.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Of the things that come to mind #5

I shall take another layer of myself off,
and as I open up an old dusty curtain of my stuck window that will not open,
you'll be able to look at all of the walls I've put within myself,
a wall of piled blue bricks,
with nothing between them but the pressure of themselves, one upon another...
I've built it my self without realizing it,
I've put it up, and I don't know how to take it down...

And it's not the only one,
there's a few more of false pretexts that wear me down,
today, shadows move past me, but I do not who makes them,
I see a ledge, but it cannot be reached,
I exhale a greeting, but it's just a hollow on the crest.
I transpire what I need, and what I keep is more like a weed...

I have a grasp on a thick rope, but no matter how much I pull,
It always feels loose..
I've been painted on a portrait in which I don't belong in, and it's not a place I want to be...
I write a bunch of nonsense, but in minutes means nothing to me,
putting myself under a shade is no good to me, because I want to be in the rain,
and I try to give life to these letters but then again...
I'm always trying to fool myself..

Sunday, November 06, 2005

On a piece of the path...

I know it's just a piece of the path I must face.
I walk under a shadow of revelations and hidden intentions.
It's something I must get through.
It's just cold and desolate.
With shards of wind that cut my skin and
the ache within that burns real deep...

I will get through...
...this piece of the path.
I'm just angry and hurt..
that's all...
f-ing angry and hurt....
VanSadsmaller

Friday, October 28, 2005

TQA

 






Love is staying in my neighborhood,
Smile is what it wears,
glow is how it speaks,
and through you I find enlightment, rejoice and hope...

The dark fades away,
The empty fills up at each pace,
Your laugh tickles my worries afar,
and I see my place by your side...

Unshielded,Unabashed,
content and delight,
beam, grin and smile,
I am your knight.




TQA


Van - Beam, Grin and Smile

Monday, October 24, 2005

Í'm here baby...

I must go but I linger,
the pain kills my back, but I hold stubbornly
I could see the displacement and it was not the room,
where to? well... you knew...
Take a look.. I'm right next to you.
Lay it on me, don't put me aside...
I will take it, should you let me try.
hey.. it's alright, just give me the sign...
Van_leaves

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Tease

You tease,
I tease,
We tease...

I talk,
You talk,
We talk...

You laugh,
I laugh,
We laugh..

I smile,
You smile,
We smile...

You look,
I look,
We look...

I kiss,
You kiss,
We... Tease...

But not for long...
=)

Signs on the wind...

Good words of a good
man have reached
my ears:
"Buen cambio..."

One answer reply:
word...


Monday, September 26, 2005

My color... Results...


Query results ready.
Loading...
...
...
My color

Carnator.All.Favorite.Color:
LIGHT

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Question... Answered...

The original question was: Have you ever felt like you were truly living?
Here's the answer:
Today, I can say yes...
I feel free and unchained...
There's no boundry, no line that delimits.
I have found peace at home and a flight course outside of my door.
#>LV2LV
LoVe to LiVe process restored. Soul Truth table has been defragmented. Final status: Now whole.
#>LV2LV
LiVe to LoVe execution is optimal. Main Life Thread updated.

My color...

//A piece of my code
Carnator.innerSoul.getColor( Carnator.All.Favorite ); //Getting my Favorite color

1 Item found.
Analizing...
Core Values have been modified!
Result found is NEW!
View result (Y/N)? Y

Friday, September 09, 2005

Of the things that come to mind #4

To be a tear tissue
is not the same as being a punching bag...

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Of the things that come to mind #3

Time passes by really slowly...
But a moment in time can kill you rather swiftly.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Of the things that come to mind #2

Time passes by slowly...
but sums up really fast.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Just Let me

Just let me take this dark hold of fear that it is upon me...
Let me free myself of this tremor that will not yield it's hold..

The shedding will soon stop, the chain broken,
I will look for thee..

No more time to wait, I'll run to thee..
No more broken dreams, no more broken wings...
And I feel the shine break through,
I sense the tide turn..

torwards you..

Monday, July 18, 2005

Shout out that reach..

It's a place that I will put all the stuff I relate to in songs..


for I am light..
and I am on the go..


PS: Should you click here you will find it...

Do it

Just strike me bold and true,
A soldier's death if you will,
I am wary and tired of this millstone,
just end it all...

Because I'm the shell I never wanted to be,
I've become the hollow I've despised..
ohh the buttons that you push,
the threads you still pull...

Because I see you everywhere,
In colors I've seen only at your side,
...
Just a tease of wings that passes me by and flies away...

So far, the sun keeps shining,
and I've tryed to keep on walking..
God knows it's hard,
I close my eyes and feel these feet will take me far,
but to where these wings will fly... I can only smile...

Saturday, July 16, 2005

System Offline. Error:0xC77685;

System wide broadcast.
Execution of main routine Logic(False,13072005); has generated a general fault error on subsystems on H34R7&B0|]y&50U1@C4rn470r in 0xC77685.
No callback method has been found.
Systems will operate at minimal margins in self-sustaining mode.
Trace routine execute...
...
Return: cause of system failure unknown, only reference found was "Break^".
Parent threads unaccesable.
Core Memory and Data array dumpage failure; Memory will remain resident until full system shutdown.
System will now go to minimal mode.
.
.
Press any key to restore system status.
'Any' key not found.
Force run Restore(!Logic,!Emotion,Light);
! (Negation) character found, Execute?
Y
Trying method...
System is in stand by until further notice...

Monday, July 04, 2005

Extract from The Gene Machine by Frameshift

...I'm afraid of crossing over
I try to stay alive in you
Your life paves my way
If I really won this fight
If I am intact I will
Construct without delay...

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Thoughts (Part II) - Spock's Beard

I thought I'd come to you and say
All the things I had on my mind
I thought it might be really great
To show you how I feel inside
Then I think ... MAYBE NOT ...

You wouldn't speak to me
I would be left behind
We'd be through if you knew
All the things in my mind
I'd probably feel worse
You'd probably scream and shout
Scratch and curse or even worse
Quietly shut me out

I thought I'd come to you and say
Everything within my heart
I just can't look the other way
And wait for us to grow apart
Then I think ... WHAT'S THE POINT?

This might just go away
I think I'll think some more
Either way I will pay
And suffer for evermore
You wouldn't speak to me
I would be left behind
We'd be through if you knew
All the things in my mind

I thought I'd come to you and say
All the things I had on my mind ...

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Giving

A gift is trully given to you,
when you don't ask for it.

Out on the ceiling...

I was looking at the night sky tonight.. it was beautiful, for the first time the clouds did not look scary and the moon was shining very bright behind the clouds.. there was this big one, that covered a lot of sky, and it seemd like the moon light was breaking the dark side of the cloud apart. It had a long way to go but no matter how much the cloud tryed to consume the moon, it couldn't... the moon just kept on shining.. it also seemed like the moon was making a tunnel through the cloud and never befor had the moon looked so sharp to my eyes.. then when I got off the roof, the wind was blowing harder and then a tear scaped my eye, it wasn't mine and it came so sudden... makes me feel special...

I wish I could shine like the moon tonight...Out on the ceiling...

Monday, June 20, 2005

Finally Sleeping

God, it's almost as if I forgot how to go to sleep in a bed..

Damn compiler..

Friday, June 17, 2005

DAMN!

It's like 3 AM, been busting our assess (like the hardest) since last thursday sleeping less than 3 hours every day and spent 2 f-ing hours trying to figure out why the damn microcontroler didn't take any info.. so pissed.. oh...this project we're working on, yeah like, my mayor in computer sistems engineering depends on it..
isn't great? (very sarcasting, very pissed, not sure if awake)

Thursday, June 16, 2005

why?

Why is it that as soon as a minute passes to the next, one doesn't know anything anymore?
Like all the gears pulling in your head just came apart and nothing processes anymore.
What I have now is the feeling that any moment now, everything is coming to a stop and then stay still forever...
forever.

Piece of "At the End of the Day"

Earth - dancing 'round the fire
Come - Meet the western sky
Life - Walking on a wire
Reach - To know the reason why

At the end of the day
You'll be lying in a suit of gray
At the end of the day
You'll be fine...

Spock's Beard - V
Yeah, I'll be fine...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Wanting

I don't want you in my head, I want you next to me..
I don't want to miss you, I want to be with you...
I don't want to go to sleep thinking of you, I want to wake next to you...
I don't want to run ahead, I want with you by my side...
All I want is a smile.

Motivate #2

...
Breathe,
Look,
See,
Command,
Move,
Pace,
Next,
Walk,
Warmup,
Trot,
Breathe,
Find,
Explore,
Dwell,
Instigate,
Hurt,
Stride,
Run,
Run,
Run,
Jump,
Open,
Swish,
Wave...

Monday, June 06, 2005

Enerve

Enerve the flow, and tackle the gale,
strike from aft and blaze the lea.

Weep of nothing, and despair of empty,
and a SCREAM of emptyness with and echo with in the hollow.

Jaded shine with a limp stride,
Enerve...

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Touch Again...

A new touch...
and I flew...

Monday, May 23, 2005

Your tear

It just happened...
out of nowhere...
without warning or sorrow...
it's special and almost perfectly beautiful...
but it does not seize to amaze me...


how a tear of yours comes out of me

Bittersweet Torment

My walk is dull
and I my sight is down
I live and live on
but everything seems gray..

I miss the rain, and fresh air..

halls of hollow...
blue nets of sorrow..

to find a courtyard of sky and pearl
a tower to watch wide and far,
and a balcony, to step out of and fly...

..to you.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Medice Cocktail

Let's take on this medicine cocktail..
So that my ears pop..
I'll hear a little bit better
for my shoulder to heal..
I'll play ball again

and my wings to spread.
...to have an even better flight

Monday, May 16, 2005

Lesson

The two greaest things I've learned from basketball:

Attidute & Motivation


God Bless BasketBall

The 10th hour

It's definetly a good and tough hour...
...and there's that feeling in my chest again...

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Wave in Scope

Illuminate me on waves of light, wind and sound
I flow on the escence of the perilous journey
not knowing my destination I long for
take me there, take me there...

The creep

It's not here right now
I wish it didn't come back

It appeared all of the sudden
on a quick strike
it started to take hold
but I will not back off


I think it knows now
smiles are special
ha! take that...

Edge

A flock of dreams
starle my eyes
and hesitate my heart

They like to fly by
They like to come real close
I can look but cannot touch

Swift wave of air
cool breeze on my hand
another moment passes by

A tease in the eye
a mock in a smile
a chill in a touch

to take to give
to flow to stop
to dream and hope

give me reason
give me way
take whole

Sunday, May 08, 2005

plus 11

shaky...
so shaky...

Need some fresh air...

Thursday, May 05, 2005

plus 8

I remember... and there is no way to forget boo...

5 fingers on your left hand...

This day, the 5th day of the 5th month of the year 2005...

TQ

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Plus 6

A good bye day...
But we'll always have 1011-110 boo...

My hands smell like flowers,
sweet fragance...
you...

Monday, May 02, 2005

Plus 5

I'm tired of the walls,
I'm tired of defensive moves,
I'm tired of not looking,
I'm tired of wanting to get found,
Yes, tired...
mmmmm, plus 5...
good number,
welcome good mood...

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Sometimes.

Sometimes you are alright,
sometimes you feel down,
sometimes you feel like screaming,
sometimes you feel good,
sometimes you feel alone,
sometiems you feel full,
sometimes you really need,
sometimes you want to do everything,
sometimes you don't want to do a thing,
sometimes you run,
sometimes your nose bleeds,
sometimes you want to talk,
sometimes you have nothing to say,
sometimes you just keep quiet.
Sometimes you don't want to.
Sometimes you have to.
Sometimes you don't care.
Sometimes you care too much.
Sometimes not enough.
Sometimes.
Sometimes is not sometimes, is always.

How about this?

Stuff from the past, stays in the past.
Today I'm Living.
and I'm aiming for the future.
Tomorrow... Tomorrow will tell.

A why question.

Why do I keep hearing my cellphone ring-message-tone in the middle of the night and when I look there is nothing on it...?
I do know why.
Someone knows my number, and I'm not talking about my cellphone.

Plus 4

It seems like everyone is running into ditches lately...
but at least you know there is someone out there you can always count on.

Saturday, April 30, 2005

Stand Tall

I regret to regret,
what ifs do not exist, they just slap you in the face to show you where you at,
there are things that I'm not proud of, there are thigns that I consider highlights of my life... I don't regret nothing.
What's done is done, what's said it's been said,
and I am what I am, I'm not what I've been,
with ghost or no ghost, wings or no wings, light or no light,
I gave it all but I'm sure I can conjure a few more smiles.

...your forgetfulness calls me,
your silence awakens me,
your sight moves me,
your words challenge me,
your memory draws me to you.

A little motivation.

Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.
Art Linkletter

A thank you note.

Thank you for listening...
Thank you for the response...
Thank you for the feedback...
Thank you for the past...
Thank you for the insight...
Thank you for the support...
Thank you.

Plus 3

Don't feel much torment anymore, I just feel all battered up..

Friday, April 29, 2005

Chau número tres. By Mario Benedetti (Exception #2)

Chau número tres

Te dejo con tu vida
tu trabajo
tu gente
con tus puestas de sol
y tus amaneceres.

Sembrando tu confianza
te dejo junto al mundo
derrotando imposibles
segura sin seguro.

Te dejo frente al mar
descifrándote sola
sin mi pregunta a ciegas
sin mi respuesta rota.

Te dejo sin mis dudas
pobres y malheridas
sin mis inmadureces
sin mi veteranía.

Pero tampoco creas
a pie juntillas todo
no creas nunca creas
este falso abandono.

Estaré donde menos
lo esperes
por ejemplo
en un árbol añoso
de oscuros cabeceos.

Estaré en un lejano
horizonte sin horas
en la huella del tacto
en tu sombra y mi sombra.

Estaré repartido
en cuatro o cinco pibes
de esos que vos mirás
y enseguida te siguen.

Y ojalá pueda estar
de tu sueño en la red
esperando tus ojos
y mirándote.

Hagamos un trato. By Mario Benedetti (Exception #1)

Hagamos un trato

Cuando sientas tu herida sangrar
cuando sientas tu voz sollozar
cuenta conmigo.

(de una canción de Carlos Puebla)

Compañera,
usted sabe
que puede contar conmigo,
no hasta dos ni hasta diez
sino contar conmigo.

Si algunas veces
advierte
que la miro a los ojos,
y una veta de amor
reconoce en los míos,
no alerte sus fusiles
ni piense que deliro;
a pesar de la veta,
o tal vez porque existe,
usted puede contar
conmigo.

Si otras veces
me encuentra
huraño sin motivo,
no piense que es flojera
igual puede contar conmigo.

Pero hagamos un trato:
yo quisiera contar con usted,
es tan lindo
saber que usted existe,
uno se siente vivo;
y cuando digo esto
quiero decir contar
aunque sea hasta dos,
aunque sea hasta cinco.

No ya para que acuda
presurosa en mi auxilio,
sino para saber
a ciencia cierta
que usted sabe que puede
contar conmigo.

Plus 2

I need a new motto....

Thursday, April 28, 2005

So... Carnator's stone huh?

I found out what it the biggest stone of them all...
...I like the sound that the chain
makes as it looses it's grip
on me and makes a splash on the dusty groud.

Lurk...

A ghost...
it's there...
but the real question is...
Is it haunting you or
is it that you want to have it around?
I've just found out or I've always known that,
that type of shit doesn't do anybody any good...
and I'm so desperate to let go,
but unfortunately you can't just carve
a hole in you...
...because this thing that lurks
is a bunch of mist and smoke...
now, where is the wind when you need it?

A Request.

Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out, Get Out... Get the F... OUT!!!!
from 5 to 148...
148-5=143...
+1

Burn it, burn it to the ground...

I played with broken pieces of the past,
but I had enough..
Burn the pieces.. one by one...
because I don't want to leave anything
tying me down again...
I had no idea I had so much
shit hanging on to me...

The reading.

Her cup of coffee said it...
There was something on the top of my head, a dot...
I was carrying something...
Too right...
Long has been my blind burden
and I am so freaking tired and mad....
I wanna break stuff and swear untill I have no voice...
I've wished I didn't have an existence,
but that just silly... time to move.

Plus 1

This is turning point +1.

Time to fight, time to move, to grow up...

Sunday, April 24, 2005

...

Confused in the deepest of angsts,
unable to let out words that will make no difference,
but still burn the inside of your eyes that will
perhaps someday open a tiny hole to see through and take the damn blindness away...
The stillness of your entity as everything passes you by,
of the inability to move your feet
as they are clamped to the ground with self-doubt
and the chill of that night that did not sooth but scolded...
A mind in the utter twilight struck so swiftly devastated
for you do not presage what comes before you,
and my sins seem to veil all between me and the world
because in a vacuous, stolid and stupidest of ways I put my self apart from my everything...
Having been evermore running vividly solo but equivalently forlorn
I'm scared of this road that we walk upon that is unmarked and un traveled,
that you know by your existence will lead you to fulfillment and joy
which at this time comes to make me infuriated because
I saw...
I felt...
and then for a moment...
failed to take your hand...
...
...
...
...
...and whether there is or not a way to amend
I will shine even brighter for you
because it's the only thing I truly know how to
and I found out because of you...

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

See through me...

Sometimes you are transparent, and give your self away in some many ways, isn't funny though, how almost none sees it...
and it hurts when you just want to be seen...
When you try to look, all the curtains are closed...

But then, out of no where, when you least expect it, some one sees you, and it feels like light has been donned on to you...

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Looking Ahead...

Today is the day I start the rest of my days,
and tomorrow I will start again...
A little step closer to my destination...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

My Favorite Number

Ever since I was litte I liked the number five.. I dunno, it just seems cool. On basketball teams I had to be 5. 5 senses. 5 fingers. 5 continents. Five..
Even today, is even more my favorite number, 5...

Saturday, March 12, 2005

A vision that I had.

I was coming torwards a mountain, it was higher that all the others that could be seen, and there I was on the top, just me, I could see myself with my eyes closed and the cold wind made waves with my hair. I was there taking all the fresh air and picking up the cold smell of the snow below my feet, and there I was but did not feel cold at all. The sky was so crystal blue and white puffy clouds were here and there. Even out of myself I could feel the calm and patience of my being. I could see the all things arround me. I float making circles arround me... and then I open my eyes.
I'm no longer where I was. I can see my self now in the middle of a battle field, on the front line, with my back agains the back of a trench.. It's so load and noisy. The sky now has a red tone, must be close to morning. Yes, the coldest hour of the night before sunrise. All my stuff and equipment is on the floor ordered ready to be fitted. Everything is now passing in slow motion. I can see a fire from a far and it's toungs look like thorns as time seems to take a sigh. Then I start to pick up my things and I load up, I gear up, I strap on, I ready my self. Interesting... as time starts to pick up it's pace I feel lighter, I feel faster, I feel stronger. Seems like the way I had been carrying my things and gear was wrong, this new setup is better. I get my weapon and now there's a bunch of others all along the trench, I can see their eyes like windows to the inside. Some are frightened, some are tired, some are hurt, some are silenced, some are dark, some are light, some are calm, some are a storm, some are gone. Now I can only see my profile, eyes fixed, cool and ready. Could that be a faint smile I see? barely.. but it's there. The smile of calm, hope and future. Then I see my self putting the smile apart for a bit and I start to speak. I can't hear any more, but heads turn and while blood was spilled that night and the sky still tells the evidence of that, all the heads start to rise. Sun stars to peek and shine. The smile is back, and addressing every one but the message intended to my self calmly and serene I can hear myself say: "...now is the time, honor, guts and strength for all, for what is upon us is well worth taking for what lies beyond us all... now is the time and tomorrow... will be alright! now is the time...".
I jump to top of the trench, climb and get over it. And no longer I'm out of my self, I run forward and don't look back because I already know what it's there... and what's in front.. only God can tell.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Feeling Whole

So distant and so close,
So easy and so complicated,
So happy and so frightful,
So full and so empty,
So at peace and so agitated,
I feel like crying..

You must be crying...

Of the things that come to mind

Ever thought about the same moment of time?
The singularity of two things happening at the exact same time?
I was watching the reflection of a city light off of the rain water
in the city square of an old mexican town...
A very suttle sprinkle began to fall, and it seemed taht two drops
decided to land...
Call me a dreamer if you want but I saw them strike at the same
time... And even if it was not... What other things could have
happened at the same time.

Randomness of sight

Look up...
clouds...
never again repeated...
Silver halls...
White time stands...
Light dragons dance...
Solid blue falls wide and tall...
The wise are on watch...
almost out of light...
But tomorrow always surprises us all...

Feeling good...

I confront a sea of rage,
with a single tearful smile.
I don't get cut by the sharp wind edges,
I throw too quick a smile.
I take on mountains of boulders,
because I break what's coming with a monstrous smile.
I face the shadow of despair,
with a hopeful smile.
Some times there is a dark of empty loneliness,
I endure... I hold... I trully really hurt...
I've been there before... I fight on and on...
hey... still... there is a smile....

A quick sigh.

Within 160,000 meters of road,
there is a 100 meters forest land,
another one of those tiny places,
I'm out of my way but find my self home.

On the road under soft clouds of rain.

There is a hole of light in the sky,
a pool of illumination,
it looks as if underwater under a shell of ice,
and it's also a window
to the other side of the rainy wall.
Oh such wonder... such inspiration...
even upon a barren land,
arround al the life at hand.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

When I think of someone special in my dreams #2

Of despair and angst I come. of hope and dreams I am born,
and I come to you in thoughts of late...
For I am what you sought but did not expect,
and you are to me the exact same...

Friday, February 04, 2005

The Winter Night

Today I woke up full of wishes,
I rose with a smile as day opened its gate,
something felt different, something familiar but couldn't quite place.
Then the first hint of morning gave it all away
and with a quick pace out the doorway I went,
so the touch of life, the touch of water, came upon my face.
In the coldness I found warmth
and in the dampness I found a laugh,
I took a smell of air and thus I was took to my other homeland.
Walking as I was, I though I could feel the touch of grass,
then my eyes were taken, for I was within a green forestland.
As the day went by, I saw a lot of faces looking down,
had they only looked the other way,
they would have shined with a silver crystal light.
I tried to spend as much time as I could under
the caress of the sky's tears so I could feel the love of the heavens.
I was surprised to see how everyone around me was cold and shivering,
so I took off my fleece because I felt a deep warmth within me,
peace... and I figured that I had not felt cold at all this day.
And so had the night arrived but the cool winter rain did not wish to part,
so I let the water be donned upon me with arms as wings wide open
and I was able to feel tranquility within my heart,
and at the same time I could smell the scent of night of pine,
the winter delight,
this lovely night...
of renewed dreams...
of thought of love...
and a heartbeat full of infinite wishes...

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

The Eagles

Orthannen im vi ól
Coll e dû
Or hiriath naur
Na rovail mae sui 'waew
Man prestant i ardhon?
Cerithar aen illiad dim úthenin?


In a dream I was lifted up.
Borne from the darkness
Above the rivers of fire.
On wings doft as the wind.
What's happened to the world?
Is everything sad going to come untrue?

Featured in "The End of All Things". LORT: ROTK.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Motivate

Do you remember de guy that halfway through a field he found him self in front of a mad bull trying to run him down?
The only escape that could be seen was a tree, but the lowest branch was three meters high...
The guy ran and gave a tremendous jump. He didn't reach the branch on his ascent but he got a good hold on his way down...
           Anonymous.

I can still feel you.

I can feel you on my shoulder,
I can feel you on my hands,
I can feel you on my fingers,
I can feel you on my face,
I can feel you on my nose,
I can feel you on my forehead,
I can still feel you on my lips...

Sunday, January 23, 2005

The touch

On a sip of red wine,
by the candelight delight,
the caress was right,
and each touch so light.

The dance of the hands,
and the finger tracing of our edges,
with talk form the beautiful silence,
and the words of the touch on our faces.

The tension was displacing,
felt how my shoulders started shaking.
the pace and sighs became at sync,
One thing existed... the moment of you and me.

The thought was long ago connected,
The sentiment had been forever been conceived,
The gentle smooth roughness traced a path,
On the tip where the cold met the warm,
With the tilt where guards no longer existed,
The touch was sealed and all together one.

Friday, January 21, 2005

The Inhibitor In Thoughts of Late

     The windows are damp, the whole house shivers and the inhibitor is sad, the wind howls a melody and it all relates.

     I stop... I listen to the new found silence... you can heart it... it comes from within... it's closing in, the pressure increases and my Eden goes farther away.

     The dust and shade, it's still there but I must make it go away, else I'm afraid all shall fade.

     The air is fresh and humid in return it cleanses and so at the last of the darkest moment, the first ray of light breaks this way.

     Then as a cycle ends and starts again, the last seedling spawns in wake of the new hope and strength.

     The windows open, the house trembles but does not wane because the inhibitor is ready for the storm he sees coming his way.

...and so he prepares

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Question...

Have you ever lived? How life was supposed to be lived? Sure you have, ever since you started to breathe... hehe, trick question.. ok, let me rephrase...
Have you ever felt like you were truly living?

When I think of someone special in my dreams

I can only imagine where I come from... your dreams... good and bad, because we are not ment to have perfection, and I don't want to be perfect. I just want to be yours.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

A humble wish..

Yes, I wish I was stupid, that I was willingly deaf and ingonrant... I wish I didn't know... but simply wish, that it wasn't so...

Monday, January 10, 2005

On the road and my hand out the window

I remember when I was little, I used to hold out my hand outside the car window. I pretended it was an airplane wing. The earth beneath me was moving very fast. My Hand would go up or down depending on how I tilted it. The force of the air on my palm would make me soar, and when it hit the back of my smal hand it made me dive. Years later I saw an eagle fly above us. I could see the tips of the wings fan out. The outmost feathers looked like fingers. So I put out my hand and touched the air.
I've grown now, I yearn to fly and I can still remember how to touch the air, but my window is closed...


I open the window, close my eyes, reach... and I am a child again.

When the brain works...

Wisdom comes with age, but it does not do anybody any good, because humility comes arround the same time.
BV

# soul>whois Stone

Stone was his name and in place call Aguascalientes he was ahead of the game, betrayed by him self as he lost his way, and blundered by the nonsense of living he disappeared out of sight, he was nowhere heard and is still to be seen.