Tuesday, June 30, 2009

A Real man.

I just read a tweet that said: Real men are not vegetarian. I disagree with this. First of all because I believe there is no such thing as a "Real man". Just to get it out of the way, the concept of a "real man" that I see today has a lot of prejudices and stereotypes. This would be a though, dirty, rugged, meat-eating, tyrannosaurus sexual beast, also gay loathing, lesbian loving, misogynist.

I am struggling to reach a more adequate definition of a "Real man". You can't base it in what a societies dictate. Because every society is different. So, is a "real man" a "manly man" a misogynist man? or just a man that lives and supports a dominant male culture?
I can only say that a "Real man" is one that exists and that has a penis (with out the pun or the negative connotation).
However what about transgendered women and men? If a male "transgenders" to female did he stop being a man even with or without reassignment surgery? What about a female "transgendered" to male? What does it take to be a man?
So, I would take out that part about having a penis because I feel like it would be unfair for a transgendered person. They live, act, behave and embrace the sex they choose to be.. and even be "more of a man" than a "real man".

Now, I touched on the meat-eating. When did eating something or not define who we are? Granted the phrase that says "You are what you eat" could be used, but I think it refers to our health, not our definition. If I eat only sugar, I am very energetic and possibly become a diabetic. If I eat only fat, I will sure have fun when my heart clogs up. What we eat does not define us and I think that it's very disrespectful to vegetarians to say that a "real" whatever has to eat meat.

Entertaining my thoughts, just suppose that a "real man" is not a vegetarian holds true. Does that mean that "real women" are vegetarian? What the fuck? What is a "real woman"? Can I use the same arguments for discrediting the concept of "real man"? Would a feminist be offended if a born man has gender dysphoria and leans towards feminization finally calls himself a woman? Isn't that misandry?
I think we've all seen when a woman is like a man we call her a "butch" and a man like a woman a "sissy". Both words are one thing: stereotypes.
Woman and man? sometimes stereotypes, sometimes gender, sometimes just appearance.

We are only Humans and a "Real human" is any human.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Today is a Monday

Even though today is a Monday, I feel good. I had to share this, because it's been a while since I felt like this. Like, a new cycle has started. This is very internal. Have you had those moments where you suddenly realize that something changed? like something has passed? I feel like that.

However, I don't think I'm out of the woods yet. Definitely getting there.


Friday, June 26, 2009

A long time ago since...

It's been so long since I had so much energy inside of me.

When I was younger, around the time I was in High School and College there were times that my emotions overwhelmed me so much that I felt like I had to do something to cope with it. The emotions were so strong that they manifested themselves as energy. The main emotions I remember were anger, sadness and joy. I would be untrue if those where the only emotions that had, but as these things go, there was a mix and a whole variety of emotions in me at times. Anyway, those 3 were the strongest. Whatever the situation that enabled those emotions didn't really matter. I had to do something about them, or in my own terms, about the energy.

So, first I drew. I have lot's of old drawings that I did of anime. I also began writing poems. It was very artistic period for me. So, as I drew more and more, the drawings were more complex. When I had something that pissed me off or depressed me so much that it got to a point that I felt I could burst instantaneously I drew something that was harder or more difficult than I had before. I guess I drew because I couldn't make sense of my feelings and released some of it by drawing. As I got older, I was better at expressing those feelings in words, and that's how I got to poetry. I didn't receive any input on how to draw or write other than what I learned in public schooling. I didn't have many focused classes towards any of these forms of art or expression.

Little by little, I discovered that words were a better form of expressing because it not only helped release the energy but also could express what was going on. So, the last actual drawing under the influence of the energy surge was one of the Knights of the Zodiac. I'm not sure but that was early in college. In college I didn't write as much poetry. I had a journal. A real journal, no electronic digital textualization of my thoughts yet. It was an interesting time to say the least. I wrote on and off, mainly when I need it to get things out of my head on paper. I picked up this quote which I don't remember the author: "Words, once written, have life of their own". I treated what I wrote like that, and that helped when I read back in the sense that I was really looking at myself from the outside. Out of the box. Cool stuff, specially when you are trying to make sense of what you want, where you want to go, what you like, don't like, explore your inner thoughts and, be truthful to yourself.

Before I finished college, I was busy with work, basketball and obviously school. So I didn't write that much, but then.. Enter blogger. I created this very same blog. I have some weird shit in here. Thoughts, poems, cryptic self messages, rants. This too had a cycle like my other forms of expression. I got a lot into music and especially to progressive rock/metal. Which I felt filled a desire for complex structures like I had complex feelings. I do not write very often anymore. In part was because I felt no need due to a sensation of balance and direction. There were ups and downs during the last three years that weren't documented in this collective of words.

This day, when I stared to write this, I had the urge to do something from so much energy in me. I am going through some weird internal turmoil which has affected my ability to focus, to communicate and feel good. I could be depressed or anxious or tired or frustrated or impatient or angered or overwhelmed or something I can't think of right now. It could be a mix. Hell, I think I have all of them each in different amounts. I will confess that I had so much energy that my mind crossed the thought of having some form of physical pain to drain the energy. It was a low point, yes, but I am not that kind of person nor I want to be. Besides there are better ways to let go of this energy. I could run for a few miles until I am ready to drop. I care about my self enough to not do something stupid. There are also people out there who care about me too. In particular my wife, my friend, my partner, my light of day. So, I decided to write and share this with my self and anyone who may read this. To liberate some of that energy, because I felt like I was going to burst. Now, I'm glad that I did, I feel a little better. At least good enough to start tackling whatever the fucking hell is bugging me inside. I had enough. For a moment I was going to say that I was going to go back to myself when I realized how silly that is. I can't go back to who I was but I can evolve to a better version of that.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

changes are coming...

Changes are coming, keep posted...

I've been feeling like blogging again.. lots! but I don't want to start another blog. I want to use this one. However, as much as I like the posts here I want to archive them; keep them available, but not on this blog.

... mmm.. I'm still thinking about how to proceed.. we'll see.