The life you bring.

You don't stop your comfort and sweet care,

It gives life and desire to plunge and be within you.

You must know what you do to me,

Because I can see what I do to you.

Whatever is written in the wall, is too far to see,

Whatever is spoken in the wind, has yet to pick up speed,

Whatever the water whispers, is just too still,

Whatever the next day brings, I'll be ready to make its will.

Do you miss me? I ache for you.

Do you need me? I long for you.

Do you think of me? I dream of you.

Do you see me? You are the light of my day.

Because of you, I want to live.

The unexpected save.

I sank, in the cold waters of my own uncertainty.

I knew it, it numbed, it dulled, it hurt in spikes,

Hypothermia of emotions, what a weird comfort.

I decided to reach out, well knowing no one was there,

But to my surprise something made contact.

Hesitation flooded me, but decided to hold on.

I first tugged, but receded to the other pull.

Water break! A fresh gasp of air...

Renewed, my rescuer had been gone. 

Suddenly I realized I was alone but I could see the shore.

I had saved my self all along, 

Yet still need to say thanks the for the nudge.

If it hurts, is it love?

It ebbs and flows, this love and pain,
to know that you are out there,
to sense the indifference of space,
to have to wait and ache.
Your taste and scent are still there,
I close my eyes and your silhouette does not fade,
that voice keeps echoing in my head,
the motion that caresses the ghost of your shape.

I keep reminding myself that I have to keep my self at bay,
the forces that be, I respect so I keep away.
Perhaps one day there will be a wind for my sail,
it just tears me to know that my ship might never leave dock.
That in order to have some sort of form,
to start upon a rock,
I must first let you go.

Just thinking..

My vision still seeks you,

Everything I do has a dedication,

Everywhere I go, I feel hints of you,

Places I've been to, don't measure without you.

I confess to a bittersweet tear.

I must confess to a bittersweet tear,
one that is as intense as the summer sun,
that can burn and comfort all together.
With a sensation of a light shining, clarifying,
purifying and unfiltered by a clear sky.
It carries a pain that opens my eyes,
only to see that life is before me
and for the first time in a long time,
I truly feel.

I must confess for a bittersweet tear,
I did not see my self here,
I contemplated nothing close to this flow,
a depth so quickly unfolded.
I fear this wave of feelings, the potential untapped,
and my willingness to risk.
So steady is how I thread,
at the distance that beckons the respect deserved.

I must confess with a bittersweet tear,
I've never before felt so alive,
with just the right amount of broken,
that breaks the old crust, sheds the old skin,
cleans this battered soul,
a new chapter ready to begin.

I confess.. I'm alive again.

¿Qué es lo que me haces?

A veces pienso en olvidarte,
pero no puedo entre las memorias y tu sonrisa,
cuando bajo las estrellas nos pegó la brisa.
Porque aunque no quisiera recordarte,
eres ya parte de mi vida, historia día con día,
mi alma derramada en el lienzo de tu compañía.
¿Cuándo es que llegaste a mi interior?
Me has invitado al columpio de los sueños,
tanto que me gusta, pero de repente me mareo.
Empiezas a dolerme, tan temprano y lejos,
Si así ha de ser, lo único que pido es que no me dejes caer...

Another post of loving music

Holy shit, am I on a natural/music high right now...

Despite some rather sad events happening in my life right now, I have found a huge solace in music. There have been other important ones like new and old friendships, my programming passion and some plain old good luck. Back to music tho. Through spotify I have been able to create a very decent list of songs that I like and that has enabled me to somehow focus my moods. That alone is beneficial in recognizing and isolating a feeling to better address it and not go from one to another thus ending up with no sense of order.

Powerful cords, melodic keyboards, surprising arrangements and resonating lyrics. Music. Saying that I love music falls is more like a disservice because it does not even come close. So, the genre that moves me time and time again is progressive. It's more like a meta-genre because I found out I like all kinds of progressive music, whether it's metal, power, rock, pop, electronic, etc. You name it, it it's progressive, I'm there.

So what is it about prog? It's hard to say because each genre has a different way of implementation. As a whole I think it's the fact that the songs are like a story or a movie. It seems like it has different rhythms, it ebbs and flows, it has a climax, a conclusion. It's not just a repeat of choruses and verses. A polish DJ by the name of SynSun has some really interesting tracks where the climax part is really clear, the way the song sets a mood in the start but you end up in a different place altogether by the end. Another genre, another band, A.C.T from Sweden, has a more pop rock sound but still has the elements of progressive by combining subject matter in lyrics, which sometimes seem over simplistic but it comes  with a complex melody. This is great because it totally breaks some implicit rule that the lyrics have to be poetic or metaphorical to make it 'good'. Over in England we have Frost*, which is classified as a 'Neo-progressive Supergroup'. Which is like a dream team of sorts, accomplished professionals that their sum is greater than whole, but to me is emergence through music. Whoa..

Those are just my latest musical affairs. And to close this post, a thought I had in this night where my right brain decided to emerge at its fullest: Everyone should have an affair with music.. If you don't have one, you should. There is music for everyone, of all tastes and styles.

A runner's mentality

A runner doesn't run away, a runner runs ahead.

Oh my anger.

In a small moment of reminiscence while listening to the Issues album by Korn, I realized that I was very angry when I was a teenager yet I never showed it openly, only through some drawings or verbal fights with my dad. I think it's interesting how I didn't realize it before but I guess it's the perk of hindsight. I guess basketball helped as a release since I was a little obsessed with it back then, never missed a practice, never missed a game and I would play anytime I could.

P.S. ..and I thought I could not remember more about my earlier days.

I remember

I remember how I played the game. At first it was very hard, I had no idea what I was doing. Some how I learned how to detach myself from my own emotional limitations. With that came a self awareness which at first was honest and curious. It yielded very good results.

Yet I was seduced by the game itself and eventually became the what I loathed. Like a taste of forbidden fruit, once you have it, everything changes. I then chose to look away from the mirror and did not see the gemini for a long time. Now that I have, I realize the depth and consequence of my actions. Almost as if a new vision, a new experience, a new world has opened. If only I would have wanted to look, I would have seen it before.

This road is interesting yet somewhat desolate. Like a mountain, the higher you go, the more harsh it can be. However, the view is wide and open. I no longer feel like I'm just wandering and drifting.

I'm climbing and there is lots to do.

A much needed inspirational song.

Cheating a little because it's not an original post per se but I wanted to post this anyway as these lyrics and song have been echoing for much of today.

What Your Soul Sings - By Massive Attack (Vocals by Sinéad O'Connor)

Don't be afraid
Open your mouth to say
Say what your soul sings to you
Your mind can never change
Unless you ask it to
Lovingly re-arrange
The thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down
Only do harm to you
So make your choice joy
For joy belongs to you
And when you do
You'll find the one you love is you
You'll find you love you

Don't be ashamed, no
To open your heart and pray
Say what your soul sings
To you
So no longer pretend
That you can't feel it near
That tickle on your hand
That tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything
Because it loves you dear
It's your most precious king
If only you could hear
And when you do
You'll find the one you need is you
You'll find you love you

Porque la mierda sigue siendo mierda sin importar cuanto merengue le pongas encima.

Muchos, si no todos, podemos recordar el gobierno de México antes del 2000. Antes del gran "cambio". Aun así, la mayoría de los mexicanos decidieron olvidar aquel periodo que siempre marco a México con mediocridad. No hemos dejado de ser una masa complaciente, que preferimos hacer una broma de humor negro en vez de hacer algo al respecto.


Los resultados de las elecciones del 2012 (según el conteo rápido) muestran que aceptamos la oligarquía, que preferimos el nepotismo e idolatramos la ignorancia. Es natural tener una aversión al cambio, en especial a un cambio drástico, un giro de 180º. Lo que no es tan natural, es tener un orgullo falso al declararnos como mexicanos y no reconocernos como humanos, como un simple pueblo que quiere salir adelante pero no sabe como. Que por fanatismo, por costumbre nuestro modus operandi no cambie.


En nuestro voto se encuentra una voz que refleja nuestra demanda por un liderazgo que nos represente y que tenga el mejor interés de las masas sobre las ganancias personales y de unos pocos. Hoy quedo claro que queremos ser controlados, esclavizados y entretenidos que ser maduros e intentar algo nuevo.


En lo personal, no creo que Andrés López Obrador sea la gran salvación de México, pero si un cambio drástico a las políticas que nos han dominado por casi un siglo. El Neo-liberalismo que el PRI sostiene es un modelo fallido que solo enriquece a los ricos y mantiene pobres a los pobres. Los que quedamos en medio, la gran mayoría seguirá en caída hacia la pobreza y tan solo un puñado sera favorecido. Enrique Peña Nieto, es tan solo el nuevo modelo, un nuevo títere, la nueva mascara. Porque la mierda sigue siendo mierda sin importar cuanto merengue le pongas encima. Porque tan solo hay que conocer la trayectoria de nuestros candidatos para darse una idea de lo que representan, de lo que los hacen congruentes. Josefina Vazquez Mota, hizo muy bien su trabajo. Hay que reconocerlo, su distracción para quitar votos a AMLO ha sido un exitazo. 


No me cabe, como es posible que haya personas que apoyen a partidos como PRI y el PAN cuando las ideologías que sostienen son contrarias al bienestar y oportunidad que desean. Ambos partidos, cada sexenio disminuyen los derechos de los mexicanos, cada sexenio aumentan los salarios de los diputados y gobernantes, cada sexenio se hace mas difícil encontrar equidad y justicia, cada sexenio volvemos la época donde la religión y estado se hacen uno solo. 


No entiendo como mujeres votan por un misógino, corrupto y guapo. No entiendo como homosexuales votan por una candidata cuyo partido desea que recen un padre nuestro para que se curen, que no les reconoce sus derechos y construyan ofrendas religiosas con nuestros impuestos. No entiendo por que rechazamos verdades incomodas de lo hemos permitido que nuestro gobierno nos haga. No entiendo porque actuamos como si la ignorancia fuera mejor por no tener que lidiar con una conciencia.


Basta de quedarse callados, pero no para reclamarle al que no ha tenido oportunidad, si no aquel que no cumple. No al presidente, si no al cualquier cabrón que se este abusando. Porque un ojo por ojo y diente por diente nos deja ciegos y sin dientes, el que no tranza no avanza nos chinga y se chinga. ¿No quieres ladrones? no seas rata. ¿Quieres igualdad de derecho? no seas favoritista. ¿No quieres nepotismo? se profesional. ¿No quieres narco violencia? deja de consumir drogas. ¿Quieres mejorar? educate y ponte a educar. ¿Quieres justicia? cuestiona y demanda respuesta a tus preguntas. ¿Quieres igualdad? no seas prejuicioso. ¿Quieres avance científico y tecnológico? ve mas a la universidad y no tanto a la iglesia.

A small confession

The problem with my affair with words is that they are sweet and empty like junk food. It's time I really let my actions speak for me.

It falls through my cracks

It keeps slipping, like water through my fingers. Even though it's not hard to close and cup my hand, I choose not to move it. Simple things that add up, and when the spill is noticeable it has become too late to pick up.

And I hate that. Yet, I have to accept it. Move on and try it again. Sometimes I feel so compelled to make up for it, but it really doesn't change anything.

My fingers are still and stiff but they are still there. They are still usable, they are out of shape. I know how to move them. I think I will.

Y asi me duermo...

Entre las palabras de mi voz interna, analizo y decifro el interior de mi ser.
Tanto tiempo ha pasado desde la ultima vez que hice esto con constancia.
Tal cual una casa descuidada, con falsos pasos y puertas descompuestas,
mi cabeza esta llena de cosas huecas y falsas puertas.
Se acerca el punto en el cual ya no soporto estas mareas y siento que surgiré
de mis malas aguas para por fin respirar el aire que deseo.
Alas rotas que empiezan a moverse, duelen. Pero se mueven.
Todo duele.. pero algo se mueve...