Let it burn..

As I see it, it begins a stir in me.
Almost creeping, but not quite because I see it flowing and I don't want it to stop.
Everything else seems fine, but this fire, it's warm, and I want it.
My light wants more light, could I take it?

The cut that is still with me is not even a memory yet and it bleeds with a taste of betrayal and... fuel.
Oh but as I test the æther on the flame, it illuminates. Like a moth, I step closer.
I hold my heart and squeeze hard, as if there was nothing to hold to let it's contents flow.
Light, more light.

There's shadows around me. Shadows that hold back and show only part of what's there.
As this fire advances, the shadows die, they don't matter, they disappear. There's less pain.
Burn it, burn it all..
Just like a corrupted forest, it needs to be gone to grow again.

As I close my eyes, I see a lush field, a good place. It grows and beats with life of it's own.
In the distance, a dissonance, a distortion, like a phantom mirage but not quite.
Mmmm.. brimstone. I open my eyes and all is living red, not a lick of heat but energy that fills me.
The field is gone, as it should be. It was not meant to be.

Do not ignore the signs. I know better. Such neglect, damn, at least now I'm awake and I should have known, that such a feeble thing, goes as quickly as it comes...
and when the field is done, the ashes will feed the new seeds.
Like a phoenix, it rises, better, tougher, stronger. So they say, it's all part of the show.

I remember

I remember how I played the game. At first it was very hard, I had no idea what I was doing. Some how I learned how to detach myself from my own emotional limitations. With that came a self awareness which at first was honest and curious. It yielded very good results.

Yet I was seduced by the game itself and eventually became the what I loathed. Like a taste of forbidden fruit, once you have it, everything changes. I then chose to look away from the mirror and did not see the gemini for a long time. Now that I have, I realize the depth and consequence of my actions. Almost as if a new vision, a new experience, a new world has opened. If only I would have wanted to look, I would have seen it before.

This road is interesting yet somewhat desolate. Like a mountain, the higher you go, the more harsh it can be. However, the view is wide and open. I no longer feel like I'm just wandering and drifting.

I'm climbing and there is lots to do.

Just being honest.. #001

When I see profile pictures of (grown) people with an infant, the first thing I think of is: "Is that their child?"

Then if it is, I think: "Ok, they are proud to be parents.. cool. I wonder if I'll do that when I have kids of my own.. mm I'm hungry.. etc"

If it's not their kid: "Mmmm.. I don't know.. that can be either very creepy or touching.."