Another post of loving music

Holy shit, am I on a natural/music high right now...

Despite some rather sad events happening in my life right now, I have found a huge solace in music. There have been other important ones like new and old friendships, my programming passion and some plain old good luck. Back to music tho. Through spotify I have been able to create a very decent list of songs that I like and that has enabled me to somehow focus my moods. That alone is beneficial in recognizing and isolating a feeling to better address it and not go from one to another thus ending up with no sense of order.

Powerful cords, melodic keyboards, surprising arrangements and resonating lyrics. Music. Saying that I love music falls is more like a disservice because it does not even come close. So, the genre that moves me time and time again is progressive. It's more like a meta-genre because I found out I like all kinds of progressive music, whether it's metal, power, rock, pop, electronic, etc. You name it, it it's progressive, I'm there.

So what is it about prog? It's hard to say because each genre has a different way of implementation. As a whole I think it's the fact that the songs are like a story or a movie. It seems like it has different rhythms, it ebbs and flows, it has a climax, a conclusion. It's not just a repeat of choruses and verses. A polish DJ by the name of SynSun has some really interesting tracks where the climax part is really clear, the way the song sets a mood in the start but you end up in a different place altogether by the end. Another genre, another band, A.C.T from Sweden, has a more pop rock sound but still has the elements of progressive by combining subject matter in lyrics, which sometimes seem over simplistic but it comes  with a complex melody. This is great because it totally breaks some implicit rule that the lyrics have to be poetic or metaphorical to make it 'good'. Over in England we have Frost*, which is classified as a 'Neo-progressive Supergroup'. Which is like a dream team of sorts, accomplished professionals that their sum is greater than whole, but to me is emergence through music. Whoa..

Those are just my latest musical affairs. And to close this post, a thought I had in this night where my right brain decided to emerge at its fullest: Everyone should have an affair with music.. If you don't have one, you should. There is music for everyone, of all tastes and styles.

A runner's mentality

A runner doesn't run away, a runner runs ahead.

Oh my anger.

In a small moment of reminiscence while listening to the Issues album by Korn, I realized that I was very angry when I was a teenager yet I never showed it openly, only through some drawings or verbal fights with my dad. I think it's interesting how I didn't realize it before but I guess it's the perk of hindsight. I guess basketball helped as a release since I was a little obsessed with it back then, never missed a practice, never missed a game and I would play anytime I could.

P.S. ..and I thought I could not remember more about my earlier days.

I remember

I remember how I played the game. At first it was very hard, I had no idea what I was doing. Some how I learned how to detach myself from my own emotional limitations. With that came a self awareness which at first was honest and curious. It yielded very good results.

Yet I was seduced by the game itself and eventually became the what I loathed. Like a taste of forbidden fruit, once you have it, everything changes. I then chose to look away from the mirror and did not see the gemini for a long time. Now that I have, I realize the depth and consequence of my actions. Almost as if a new vision, a new experience, a new world has opened. If only I would have wanted to look, I would have seen it before.

This road is interesting yet somewhat desolate. Like a mountain, the higher you go, the more harsh it can be. However, the view is wide and open. I no longer feel like I'm just wandering and drifting.

I'm climbing and there is lots to do.

A much needed inspirational song.

Cheating a little because it's not an original post per se but I wanted to post this anyway as these lyrics and song have been echoing for much of today.

What Your Soul Sings - By Massive Attack (Vocals by Sinéad O'Connor)

Don't be afraid
Open your mouth to say
Say what your soul sings to you
Your mind can never change
Unless you ask it to
Lovingly re-arrange
The thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down
Only do harm to you
So make your choice joy
For joy belongs to you
And when you do
You'll find the one you love is you
You'll find you love you

Don't be ashamed, no
To open your heart and pray
Say what your soul sings
To you
So no longer pretend
That you can't feel it near
That tickle on your hand
That tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything
Because it loves you dear
It's your most precious king
If only you could hear
And when you do
You'll find the one you need is you
You'll find you love you

Porque la mierda sigue siendo mierda sin importar cuanto merengue le pongas encima.

Muchos, si no todos, podemos recordar el gobierno de México antes del 2000. Antes del gran "cambio". Aun así, la mayoría de los mexicanos decidieron olvidar aquel periodo que siempre marco a México con mediocridad. No hemos dejado de ser una masa complaciente, que preferimos hacer una broma de humor negro en vez de hacer algo al respecto.


Los resultados de las elecciones del 2012 (según el conteo rápido) muestran que aceptamos la oligarquía, que preferimos el nepotismo e idolatramos la ignorancia. Es natural tener una aversión al cambio, en especial a un cambio drástico, un giro de 180º. Lo que no es tan natural, es tener un orgullo falso al declararnos como mexicanos y no reconocernos como humanos, como un simple pueblo que quiere salir adelante pero no sabe como. Que por fanatismo, por costumbre nuestro modus operandi no cambie.


En nuestro voto se encuentra una voz que refleja nuestra demanda por un liderazgo que nos represente y que tenga el mejor interés de las masas sobre las ganancias personales y de unos pocos. Hoy quedo claro que queremos ser controlados, esclavizados y entretenidos que ser maduros e intentar algo nuevo.


En lo personal, no creo que Andrés López Obrador sea la gran salvación de México, pero si un cambio drástico a las políticas que nos han dominado por casi un siglo. El Neo-liberalismo que el PRI sostiene es un modelo fallido que solo enriquece a los ricos y mantiene pobres a los pobres. Los que quedamos en medio, la gran mayoría seguirá en caída hacia la pobreza y tan solo un puñado sera favorecido. Enrique Peña Nieto, es tan solo el nuevo modelo, un nuevo títere, la nueva mascara. Porque la mierda sigue siendo mierda sin importar cuanto merengue le pongas encima. Porque tan solo hay que conocer la trayectoria de nuestros candidatos para darse una idea de lo que representan, de lo que los hacen congruentes. Josefina Vazquez Mota, hizo muy bien su trabajo. Hay que reconocerlo, su distracción para quitar votos a AMLO ha sido un exitazo. 


No me cabe, como es posible que haya personas que apoyen a partidos como PRI y el PAN cuando las ideologías que sostienen son contrarias al bienestar y oportunidad que desean. Ambos partidos, cada sexenio disminuyen los derechos de los mexicanos, cada sexenio aumentan los salarios de los diputados y gobernantes, cada sexenio se hace mas difícil encontrar equidad y justicia, cada sexenio volvemos la época donde la religión y estado se hacen uno solo. 


No entiendo como mujeres votan por un misógino, corrupto y guapo. No entiendo como homosexuales votan por una candidata cuyo partido desea que recen un padre nuestro para que se curen, que no les reconoce sus derechos y construyan ofrendas religiosas con nuestros impuestos. No entiendo por que rechazamos verdades incomodas de lo hemos permitido que nuestro gobierno nos haga. No entiendo porque actuamos como si la ignorancia fuera mejor por no tener que lidiar con una conciencia.


Basta de quedarse callados, pero no para reclamarle al que no ha tenido oportunidad, si no aquel que no cumple. No al presidente, si no al cualquier cabrón que se este abusando. Porque un ojo por ojo y diente por diente nos deja ciegos y sin dientes, el que no tranza no avanza nos chinga y se chinga. ¿No quieres ladrones? no seas rata. ¿Quieres igualdad de derecho? no seas favoritista. ¿No quieres nepotismo? se profesional. ¿No quieres narco violencia? deja de consumir drogas. ¿Quieres mejorar? educate y ponte a educar. ¿Quieres justicia? cuestiona y demanda respuesta a tus preguntas. ¿Quieres igualdad? no seas prejuicioso. ¿Quieres avance científico y tecnológico? ve mas a la universidad y no tanto a la iglesia.

A small confession

The problem with my affair with words is that they are sweet and empty like junk food. It's time I really let my actions speak for me.

It falls through my cracks

It keeps slipping, like water through my fingers. Even though it's not hard to close and cup my hand, I choose not to move it. Simple things that add up, and when the spill is noticeable it has become too late to pick up.

And I hate that. Yet, I have to accept it. Move on and try it again. Sometimes I feel so compelled to make up for it, but it really doesn't change anything.

My fingers are still and stiff but they are still there. They are still usable, they are out of shape. I know how to move them. I think I will.

Y asi me duermo...

Entre las palabras de mi voz interna, analizo y decifro el interior de mi ser.
Tanto tiempo ha pasado desde la ultima vez que hice esto con constancia.
Tal cual una casa descuidada, con falsos pasos y puertas descompuestas,
mi cabeza esta llena de cosas huecas y falsas puertas.
Se acerca el punto en el cual ya no soporto estas mareas y siento que surgiré
de mis malas aguas para por fin respirar el aire que deseo.
Alas rotas que empiezan a moverse, duelen. Pero se mueven.
Todo duele.. pero algo se mueve...

2012 - The beginning of the end?

It's 2012. According to the Mayan's the end of an era. I would like to know the accuracy/equivalent of Gregorian calendar vs. the Mayan calendar to pinpoint the exact time the end is. I posted on my facebook status that if it's the end we should try to go out with a bang. Not because it could be the end, but because we only have one life to live and it should be lived to the fullest.

Just recently I've begun to really realize how much I've been holding back and slowly through self acceptance and forgiveness I feel more like myself than ever before. It can be motivational to give the beginning of the year special significance to start over or renew convictions and resolutions, but it's never too late to change and make new choices any day or time. If it's empowering for some, excellent. In the end, it's just a date, perhaps easier to remember but a date just the same. What matters is action and results, not the date.

Traditionally, Christmas and New Year's eve were dates where I would wanted to be surrounded by loved ones, to cherish the time that has passed and that is to come. On 2011, I wasn't surrounded by people, but was loved just the same. When I see and talk to my friends I cherish and hope for the best just the same. Holidays are special and I like them when they are not just marketing opportunities. I hope for all my acquaintances, friends and family that they had a great time this holiday season and that they have a great next year.

A special shout out to my besties of besties Carolina, who is by my side and knows me better than anyone and still puts up with me. I love you Caro. And another shout out to my in-laws who are the best of people and not only are like my second set of parents but friends as well. Today I spent with them my first  winter picnic up in the mountains which was cold on my feet but really warm inside. It was a great way to start the year.

Cheers and happy New Year!

Any given day to start

Today is one of those days where I wake up and I feel like I almost don't recognize me anymore. The fact that I can look back and see where I am or how I got here is kinda moot. Before this feeling keeps bottling up more and more I need to actually do something about it otherwise it will explode, and doesn't lead to anything good.
Sigh. The fact that I've neglect feelings or refuse to give myself time to have some outlet really hinders my capacity to do anything. Then so many things accumulate that it seems mind boggling to try to sort through it all. If this doesn't make sense it's probably because of my acute ability to say a lot but not really get to the point.

Where to start? Does it matter? I mean when you got so much crap to sort in your head, your drawer, your garage, etc, anywhere you begin is good. In that respect then, I guess I'll start with what is most recent. This last month or two I've had a lot of ideas and sparks of creativity but for some reason or another I don't do anything about it. Which sucks because I look around me and see people getting a lot of things done. Not paying attention to the fairness or equality of the comparison between me and whoever, I just don't do anything. Gah, I don't even feel like I can make sense of my thoughts. Mm.. I remember when I used to do freestyle writing just for the hell of it. That is what this post feels like, the big difference is I'm not trying to free style. I do think anything that you learn and stop doing sorta rusts and is not as quick/sharp/efficient but the upside is that when you pick it up again it's like picking up the bicycle. Once you learned it, it will come back to you. Such is my writing this day. Such are my thought processes. Such are my actions. Too much freestyle, no control, no pushing of limits, no exercise.

One drawback of having so much stuff kept inside is that when you open up everything wants to come out surging. In my case I can feel exasperated that I can't write it all or that I can't keep up with my thoughts. It's a loss of balance, where I want to release some of the internal pressure but it's too much to control so it all just burst out, in order to stop it all has to be shut. In a world of intentions only actions count. This is my effort to slowly release the clutter and regain balance.

I'm not perfect.

Constantly tumbling and falling to pieces, only to pick them up in the same order. I loathe this habitual gravity that I can't seem to escape.

I want to break free and stop trying to be perfect, I want to try and fail and try again and again.

For I will not be the unachievable but just a little better every day.

A week update

Well, I have been keeping with the exercise well. Only one day that I took off from doing exercise. Also I got an agenda and I started using it right after I got it. I'm really trying to get into good habits. Most of my life I've had someone do a lot of things for me, so you could say I've been spoiled. No more. This is short update because I'm trying to sleep more and it's past my bed time. lol

What's next in 2011

These are my goals for 2011.

Short, simple and to the point.

Health and Fitness
1. Run/Exercise every weekday.
2. Reduce my belly size 39 inches to 36.
3. Reduce and keep weight of 82 kilos (~180 lbs).
4. Complete 100 push-up challenge.
5. Complete the 200 sit-ups challenge.

Academics
1. Learn Spring.
2. Learn CCS3 and HTML5.
3. Read a book per month.
4. Read both grammar books I got in 2010.
5. Help Carolina with one Spanish lesson every weekend.
6. Code in different languages mini-projects that my brother gets.

Health
1. Sleep 7-8 hours daily.
2. Pray/Meditate once per day.
3. Reduce sugar(s) that I eat by half.
4. When given an option for a side dish go for the salad or the healthiest possible.

Development/Tech
1. Setup carlosapg.com
2. Setup main page for carnator.com

Home Improvement
1. 2 Fridays a month spend the evening cooking or baking with Caro.
2. Build my own standing desk.

Time Management
1. Get agenda and use it daily.
2. No more than 5 hours per week on videogames and no more than 1.5 hours per day.

Finance
1. Have a limit of $50 when going out to eat per month.
2. Update our budget to focus even more on building an even stronger savings.

Just being honest.. #001

When I see profile pictures of (grown) people with an infant, the first thing I think of is: "Is that their child?"

Then if it is, I think: "Ok, they are proud to be parents.. cool. I wonder if I'll do that when I have kids of my own.. mm I'm hungry.. etc"

If it's not their kid: "Mmmm.. I don't know.. that can be either very creepy or touching.."