Moving. (Prologue)

Prologue.
So, maybe some you know most of my life story, bits and pieces. It all sums up to that I've been moving around a lot. I was born in San Luis Potosi, Mexico, and 15 days after my birth I then moved to Zacatecas, Mexico. I know, I didn't do the moving really, my parents already lived in Zacatecas, but my Mom wanted to have her first child at her home town and not go through it by herself. Anyways, after a year there my Dad got a scholarship to study for his Master's Degree in Chihuahua. So guest what? we moved. Then 2 years later, my Dad got his Degree and then moved San Luis Potosi. In the next 8 years that followed, I got a precious sister and my little bro. By the end of this period in San Luis my Father had already picked up English lessons, which led to a scholarship for a Ph.D. 0_0.. yeah, a Doctorate. He picked OSU (Oregon State University) which is located in Corvallis, OR, USA to study for his next Degree. Ok, move again, new country, new culture, new house, new school, new friends, new everything save the family. This was a time where I was just going into my teen years, so I spent a lot more time chilling and playing with my friends than with family (my siblings where kids at that time man) . Ever wonder where I picked up these English skills? Well, know you know. This foreign experience gave me lots (in general) and had a great impact on my life in regards to points of view, culture, mindset, language, education, ethics, goals, values and living life itself. So after 4 years in Corvallis, it was time to go back to Mexico and we did. We moved to San Luis Potosi for a very brief period of time (1 month) because my Dad had plans. Oh yes! he had plans! He wanted to live in his home town now, Aguascalientes, Mexico -the land of the good people and a.k.a. the world's biggest cantina- so he applied for a transfer at work to move to Aguascalientes, which he got. Oh, Aguascalientes, if you come to this beautiful town you can't love it without hating it and vice-versa. I spent the next ten and a half years in Aguascalientes as I went through the last 3 years of high school and then 5 of college and the rest working.
This all adds up to one thing. I've been around, perhaps not as much as or as extreme as some other people but enough for one thing. I've been exposed to many things that are the same in essence but physically different. Like synonym words. The might mean the same thing, yet, very subtlety, they're not the same. Like trying out cars. They feel different driving, but they all help you get from one point to another. You learn the same thing but you experience it differently. This is the best way to get rid of a narrow mind. In our human nature, to make contrasts, to compare, to question, to validate.. to learn.
During the past years I've adopted several mantras that I've picked up from my friends and my own experience. One of them is that: as the person that each one of us is, we really don't change, we evolve. If this is so, then it must mean that our core remains the same. Since it's the foundation of who we are. Another mantra, we can't dwell on the past, but we must acknowledge it to build our future. Through our experience, we almost never do the same thing the same way. We don't make the same mistake twice (most of the time), thus we become more efficient. So, we do the same thing but in a different manner. Mmm, sound familiar? (hint: begining of the paragraph).
I'm not trying to be redundant, you might be thinking: "Carlos, where the hell are you going with this?". Well, this is so you get a better picture of a little piece of me. I am no guru, nor a philosopher and this text does not define me. But, as I grew, I've been acquainted to the experience of a new experience, the cultural shock, the social delusions of different regions of the world, the human spirt that lives beyond skin and language. I really love to learn, to evolve and to meet new cultures. To each its own, and each of its own is a world. I would not qualify my self as a world citizen yet, but it wouldn't be too far fetched to say that of me in the future. To me, the world is getting smaller and smaller everyday.
I'm not going to bash out and rant about my last years in Aguascalientes, which I should appreciate a lot since they were an enabler to do what I do now and made who I am. I will say that it made me restless, hesitant and sometimes resentful of they way people acted. Hey, who am I to judge? I will not pay any penitence for anyone other my own family. But back to the matter at hand, I wanted out. I wanted to experience new things again. I was always told that I was a good person, a nice guy, that I had lots of potencial (My core). It took me a while to come to terms with myself about who I was and who I wanted to be (My essence). It took me a while to realize what I could do and what I wanted to do (My instance). Some very small part of me already knew that I was going to spread my wings someday....
... and so I did. =)

Next:
Hope.
Yeah,why not?

Living the contradiction of knowing what I feel and what I don't want.

Edit: Originally Created Feb/8/2007 @11:22 PM
A story, a sad one, with light, break ups and lots of potencial...
Of the light within and the shine of the outer bounds.
Once complete, and ready to be lit. Waiting patiently, against a innate force and the hope to be at once fulfilled.
It did not happen so. The magic broke, the illusion unveiled. She said no.
There was that shadow materialized, the foul being, in the place that I was supposed to be, not granted to me. misplaced as I had always been.
I was never taken for my true worth, thus everything broke....

Time passes, wounds heal...

Here we go again..

Next stop: Atlanta, GA!

Again... =)


YEAAAAAAAHH!!!!!

Doing Things

They can say I can do so much,
but the important thing is that I can do SOMETHING.

Thanking the Ungrateful

I don't talk of vengeance or forgiveness, forgetfulness is the only vengeance and the only pardon.

Jorge Luis Borges

Yo no hablo de venganzas ni perdones, el olvido es la única venganza y el único perdón.

Jorge Luis Borges

Sunsmile

Makes you glow, makes you smile;
That which irradiates a pleasant constant grin; HiPpIEcHicK.

.>equate(all.Sunsmile.glow);
.>calc...
.>system.generalExceptionFault.throw()
.>Result too bright to display.

Made up of the most heartfelt stuff you've ever come across.
It comes to you.

Stuff

Tears, softens then hardens.
Eyes, the window to the soul.
Dreams, the window to enlightenment.
Smile, the inner shine.

The principles.

Honor.
Honesty.
Sincerity.
Patience.
Sacrifice.
Attitude.
Desire.
Love.

and Heart.

Fan #1

Lo admito, soy fan...

Go to: www.rockandroll.com.mx

think it well, dwell on it (what comes arround goes arround)

You are to Me...

(Picture it, Picture me...)

...what he is to You.

(Look at your self, look back..)

I'm such a nice guy I'll break it down:
see yourself how you see him,
and you'll see how I see you.

I'm not ok,
but I'll get over it,
I'll be fine,
because I made a choice,
the one I didn't want to take.
So if you ever make the other choice I wished you'd take,
it'll be too late...
don't even bother,
it would take a miracle for you to have me back.

Redefining Oneself... (How to) Revisited

0.5 Find oneself
1. Fight oneself
2. Destroy oneself
3. Reconcile with oneself
4. Love oneself
5. Rebuild oneself
6. Incubate oneself
7. Work oneself
8. Free oneself
9. and on...

word.

Of the deep.

The Deep is a scary thing because anyone can get lost in it.
However, the venturous few that navigate at will often find treasure.
Only those who take the risk of the immensity of solitude and awe,
those who remember the way back, have the light to navigate the black.
Winds and currents of despair are abound, best not to frail or wain.
I will honestly confess, I'm not afraid. On this I briefly dwell,
for all is left is to find back my way.
Phantom halls of pleasure and comfort, they demand a large toll to take.
Yet, all this pressure seems to wake sentiment and split reason.
I feed on my self, and I say what needs to be said.
This drive, this movement, this light, this sentiment...
One has to die to live again.

Out of me.

Out of sync, out of the loop, out of the box, out the blue, out of nowhere.
Out of me.. it's been a long time, since I felt something hard and deep, emotions, I can't remember but somehow resonate in what I see. Blinding step only to wait to fall forward, but better to have tried than to have been waiting at the edge.
There is a part of me that will always miss the touch, but I don't mind. Like when a breeze comes your way and wipes you on the face, then you turn and look. Hey, what's that, that I see? the horizon. It's been interesting to learn to do things my way, and while it flakes and shudders so, it grows strong and chains bind me no more. To forsake, the last pardon and the only revenge. Heh.. Of those things burned into my core. Lines of code that make the new concurrent threads that make me engage so. Ebb and flow, thank you words. Out I go.

c4rn470r

Sobre las pupilas

...dice la leyenda:
"Cuando se te dilatan las pupilas es que estas clavado en alguien..."

a que pupilas tan "dilatadoras"

Oh My....

I didn't do any updates on November.. And so much can happen in a month, a week, a day.. but damn more than two months.. lol.. Workload is a bitch, getting fat.. lol, got asked to work on a music project.. got some, missed some.. life goes on and for the third time on a row, I got third place at my work's tournament. Yeah, I'm still trying to get a rhythm going. Which is basically sorting things out and then move on. God help me.. I'm so unorganized lol

kudos