The reading.

Her cup of coffee said it...
There was something on the top of my head, a dot...
I was carrying something...
Too right...

Long has been my blind burden
and I am so freaking tired and mad....
I wanna break stuff and swear untill I have no voice...
I've wished I didn't have an existence,
but that just silly... time to move.

Plus 1

This is turning point +1.

Time to fight, time to move, to grow up...

...

Confused in the deepest of angsts,
unable to let out words that will make no difference,
but still burn the inside of your eyes that will
perhaps someday open a tiny hole to see through and take the damn blindness away...
The stillness of your entity as everything passes you by,
of the inability to move your feet
as they are clamped to the ground with self-doubt
and the chill of that night that did not sooth but scolded...
A mind in the utter twilight struck so swiftly devastated
for you do not presage what comes before you,
and my sins seem to veil all between me and the world
because in a vacuous, stolid and stupidest of ways I put my self apart from my everything...
Having been evermore running vividly solo but equivalently forlorn
I'm scared of this road that we walk upon that is unmarked and un traveled,
that you know by your existence will lead you to fulfillment and joy
which at this time comes to make me infuriated because
I saw...
I felt...
and then for a moment...
failed to take your hand...
...
...
...
...

...and whether there is or not a way to amend
I will shine even brighter for you
because it's the only thing I truly know how to
and I found out because of you...

See through me...

Sometimes you are transparent, and give your self away in some many ways, isn't funny though, how almost none sees it...
and it hurts when you just want to be seen...
When you try to look, all the curtains are closed...

But then, out of no where, when you least expect it, some one sees you, and it feels like light has been donned on to you...

Looking Ahead...

Today is the day I start the rest of my days,
and tomorrow I will start again...
A little step closer to my destination...

My Favorite Number

Ever since I was litte I liked the number five.. I dunno, it just seems cool. On basketball teams I had to be 5. 5 senses. 5 fingers. 5 continents. Five..
Even today, is even more my favorite number, 5...

A vision that I had.

I was coming torwards a mountain, it was higher that all the others that could be seen, and there I was on the top, just me, I could see myself with my eyes closed and the cold wind made waves with my hair. I was there taking all the fresh air and picking up the cold smell of the snow below my feet, and there I was but did not feel cold at all. The sky was so crystal blue and white puffy clouds were here and there. Even out of myself I could feel the calm and patience of my being. I could see the all things arround me. I float making circles arround me... and then I open my eyes.
I'm no longer where I was. I can see my self now in the middle of a battle field, on the front line, with my back agains the back of a trench.. It's so load and noisy. The sky now has a red tone, must be close to morning. Yes, the coldest hour of the night before sunrise. All my stuff and equipment is on the floor ordered ready to be fitted. Everything is now passing in slow motion. I can see a fire from a far and it's toungs look like thorns as time seems to take a sigh. Then I start to pick up my things and I load up, I gear up, I strap on, I ready my self. Interesting... as time starts to pick up it's pace I feel lighter, I feel faster, I feel stronger. Seems like the way I had been carrying my things and gear was wrong, this new setup is better. I get my weapon and now there's a bunch of others all along the trench, I can see their eyes like windows to the inside. Some are frightened, some are tired, some are hurt, some are silenced, some are dark, some are light, some are calm, some are a storm, some are gone. Now I can only see my profile, eyes fixed, cool and ready. Could that be a faint smile I see? barely.. but it's there. The smile of calm, hope and future. Then I see my self putting the smile apart for a bit and I start to speak. I can't hear any more, but heads turn and while blood was spilled that night and the sky still tells the evidence of that, all the heads start to rise. Sun stars to peek and shine. The smile is back, and addressing every one but the message intended to my self calmly and serene I can hear myself say: "...now is the time, honor, guts and strength for all, for what is upon us is well worth taking for what lies beyond us all... now is the time and tomorrow... will be alright! now is the time...".
I jump to top of the trench, climb and get over it. And no longer I'm out of my self, I run forward and don't look back because I already know what it's there... and what's in front.. only God can tell.

Feeling Whole

So distant and so close,
So easy and so complicated,
So happy and so frightful,
So full and so empty,
So at peace and so agitated,
I feel like crying..

You must be crying...

Of the things that come to mind

Ever thought about the same moment of time?
The singularity of two things happening at the exact same time?
I was watching the reflection of a city light off of the rain water
in the city square of an old mexican town...
A very suttle sprinkle began to fall, and it seemed taht two drops
decided to land...
Call me a dreamer if you want but I saw them strike at the same
time... And even if it was not... What other things could have
happened at the same time.

Randomness of sight

Look up...
clouds...
never again repeated...
Silver halls...
White time stands...
Light dragons dance...
Solid blue falls wide and tall...
The wise are on watch...
almost out of light...
But tomorrow always surprises us all...

Feeling good...

I confront a sea of rage,
with a single tearful smile.
I don't get cut by the sharp wind edges,
I throw too quick a smile.
I take on mountains of boulders,
because I break what's coming with a monstrous smile.
I face the shadow of despair,
with a hopeful smile.
Some times there is a dark of empty loneliness,
I endure... I hold... I trully really hurt...
I've been there before... I fight on and on...
hey... still... there is a smile....

A quick sigh.

Within 160,000 meters of road,
there is a 100 meters forest land,
another one of those tiny places,
I'm out of my way but find my self home.

On the road under soft clouds of rain.

There is a hole of light in the sky,
a pool of illumination,
it looks as if underwater under a shell of ice,
and it's also a window
to the other side of the rainy wall.
Oh such wonder... such inspiration...
even upon a barren land,
arround al the life at hand.

When I think of someone special in my dreams #2

Of despair and angst I come. of hope and dreams I am born,
and I come to you in thoughts of late...
For I am what you sought but did not expect,
and you are to me the exact same...

The Winter Night

Today I woke up full of wishes,
I rose with a smile as day opened its gate,
something felt different, something familiar but couldn't quite place.
Then the first hint of morning gave it all away
and with a quick pace out the doorway I went,
so the touch of life, the touch of water, came upon my face.
In the coldness I found warmth
and in the dampness I found a laugh,
I took a smell of air and thus I was took to my other homeland.
Walking as I was, I though I could feel the touch of grass,
then my eyes were taken, for I was within a green forestland.
As the day went by, I saw a lot of faces looking down,
had they only looked the other way,
they would have shined with a silver crystal light.
I tried to spend as much time as I could under
the caress of the sky's tears so I could feel the love of the heavens.
I was surprised to see how everyone around me was cold and shivering,
so I took off my fleece because I felt a deep warmth within me,
peace... and I figured that I had not felt cold at all this day.
And so had the night arrived but the cool winter rain did not wish to part,
so I let the water be donned upon me with arms as wings wide open
and I was able to feel tranquility within my heart,
and at the same time I could smell the scent of night of pine,
the winter delight,
this lovely night...
of renewed dreams...
of thought of love...
and a heartbeat full of infinite wishes...