Oh my anger.

In a small moment of reminiscence while listening to the Issues album by Korn, I realized that I was very angry when I was a teenager yet I never showed it openly, only through some drawings or verbal fights with my dad. I think it's interesting how I didn't realize it before but I guess it's the perk of hindsight. I guess basketball helped as a release since I was a little obsessed with it back then, never missed a practice, never missed a game and I would play anytime I could.

P.S. ..and I thought I could not remember more about my earlier days.

I remember

I remember how I played the game. At first it was very hard, I had no idea what I was doing. Some how I learned how to detach myself from my own emotional limitations. With that came a self awareness which at first was honest and curious. It yielded very good results.

Yet I was seduced by the game itself and eventually became the what I loathed. Like a taste of forbidden fruit, once you have it, everything changes. I then chose to look away from the mirror and did not see the gemini for a long time. Now that I have, I realize the depth and consequence of my actions. Almost as if a new vision, a new experience, a new world has opened. If only I would have wanted to look, I would have seen it before.

This road is interesting yet somewhat desolate. Like a mountain, the higher you go, the more harsh it can be. However, the view is wide and open. I no longer feel like I'm just wandering and drifting.

I'm climbing and there is lots to do.

A much needed inspirational song.

Cheating a little because it's not an original post per se but I wanted to post this anyway as these lyrics and song have been echoing for much of today.

What Your Soul Sings - By Massive Attack (Vocals by Sinéad O'Connor)

Don't be afraid
Open your mouth to say
Say what your soul sings to you
Your mind can never change
Unless you ask it to
Lovingly re-arrange
The thoughts that make you blue
The things that bring you down
Only do harm to you
So make your choice joy
For joy belongs to you
And when you do
You'll find the one you love is you
You'll find you love you

Don't be ashamed, no
To open your heart and pray
Say what your soul sings
To you
So no longer pretend
That you can't feel it near
That tickle on your hand
That tingle in your ear
Oh ask it anything
Because it loves you dear
It's your most precious king
If only you could hear
And when you do
You'll find the one you need is you
You'll find you love you

Porque la mierda sigue siendo mierda sin importar cuanto merengue le pongas encima.

Muchos, si no todos, podemos recordar el gobierno de México antes del 2000. Antes del gran "cambio". Aun así, la mayoría de los mexicanos decidieron olvidar aquel periodo que siempre marco a México con mediocridad. No hemos dejado de ser una masa complaciente, que preferimos hacer una broma de humor negro en vez de hacer algo al respecto.


Los resultados de las elecciones del 2012 (según el conteo rápido) muestran que aceptamos la oligarquía, que preferimos el nepotismo e idolatramos la ignorancia. Es natural tener una aversión al cambio, en especial a un cambio drástico, un giro de 180º. Lo que no es tan natural, es tener un orgullo falso al declararnos como mexicanos y no reconocernos como humanos, como un simple pueblo que quiere salir adelante pero no sabe como. Que por fanatismo, por costumbre nuestro modus operandi no cambie.


En nuestro voto se encuentra una voz que refleja nuestra demanda por un liderazgo que nos represente y que tenga el mejor interés de las masas sobre las ganancias personales y de unos pocos. Hoy quedo claro que queremos ser controlados, esclavizados y entretenidos que ser maduros e intentar algo nuevo.


En lo personal, no creo que Andrés López Obrador sea la gran salvación de México, pero si un cambio drástico a las políticas que nos han dominado por casi un siglo. El Neo-liberalismo que el PRI sostiene es un modelo fallido que solo enriquece a los ricos y mantiene pobres a los pobres. Los que quedamos en medio, la gran mayoría seguirá en caída hacia la pobreza y tan solo un puñado sera favorecido. Enrique Peña Nieto, es tan solo el nuevo modelo, un nuevo títere, la nueva mascara. Porque la mierda sigue siendo mierda sin importar cuanto merengue le pongas encima. Porque tan solo hay que conocer la trayectoria de nuestros candidatos para darse una idea de lo que representan, de lo que los hacen congruentes. Josefina Vazquez Mota, hizo muy bien su trabajo. Hay que reconocerlo, su distracción para quitar votos a AMLO ha sido un exitazo. 


No me cabe, como es posible que haya personas que apoyen a partidos como PRI y el PAN cuando las ideologías que sostienen son contrarias al bienestar y oportunidad que desean. Ambos partidos, cada sexenio disminuyen los derechos de los mexicanos, cada sexenio aumentan los salarios de los diputados y gobernantes, cada sexenio se hace mas difícil encontrar equidad y justicia, cada sexenio volvemos la época donde la religión y estado se hacen uno solo. 


No entiendo como mujeres votan por un misógino, corrupto y guapo. No entiendo como homosexuales votan por una candidata cuyo partido desea que recen un padre nuestro para que se curen, que no les reconoce sus derechos y construyan ofrendas religiosas con nuestros impuestos. No entiendo por que rechazamos verdades incomodas de lo hemos permitido que nuestro gobierno nos haga. No entiendo porque actuamos como si la ignorancia fuera mejor por no tener que lidiar con una conciencia.


Basta de quedarse callados, pero no para reclamarle al que no ha tenido oportunidad, si no aquel que no cumple. No al presidente, si no al cualquier cabrón que se este abusando. Porque un ojo por ojo y diente por diente nos deja ciegos y sin dientes, el que no tranza no avanza nos chinga y se chinga. ¿No quieres ladrones? no seas rata. ¿Quieres igualdad de derecho? no seas favoritista. ¿No quieres nepotismo? se profesional. ¿No quieres narco violencia? deja de consumir drogas. ¿Quieres mejorar? educate y ponte a educar. ¿Quieres justicia? cuestiona y demanda respuesta a tus preguntas. ¿Quieres igualdad? no seas prejuicioso. ¿Quieres avance científico y tecnológico? ve mas a la universidad y no tanto a la iglesia.

A small confession

The problem with my affair with words is that they are sweet and empty like junk food. It's time I really let my actions speak for me.

It falls through my cracks

It keeps slipping, like water through my fingers. Even though it's not hard to close and cup my hand, I choose not to move it. Simple things that add up, and when the spill is noticeable it has become too late to pick up.

And I hate that. Yet, I have to accept it. Move on and try it again. Sometimes I feel so compelled to make up for it, but it really doesn't change anything.

My fingers are still and stiff but they are still there. They are still usable, they are out of shape. I know how to move them. I think I will.

Y asi me duermo...

Entre las palabras de mi voz interna, analizo y decifro el interior de mi ser.
Tanto tiempo ha pasado desde la ultima vez que hice esto con constancia.
Tal cual una casa descuidada, con falsos pasos y puertas descompuestas,
mi cabeza esta llena de cosas huecas y falsas puertas.
Se acerca el punto en el cual ya no soporto estas mareas y siento que surgiré
de mis malas aguas para por fin respirar el aire que deseo.
Alas rotas que empiezan a moverse, duelen. Pero se mueven.
Todo duele.. pero algo se mueve...

2012 - The beginning of the end?

It's 2012. According to the Mayan's the end of an era. I would like to know the accuracy/equivalent of Gregorian calendar vs. the Mayan calendar to pinpoint the exact time the end is. I posted on my facebook status that if it's the end we should try to go out with a bang. Not because it could be the end, but because we only have one life to live and it should be lived to the fullest.

Just recently I've begun to really realize how much I've been holding back and slowly through self acceptance and forgiveness I feel more like myself than ever before. It can be motivational to give the beginning of the year special significance to start over or renew convictions and resolutions, but it's never too late to change and make new choices any day or time. If it's empowering for some, excellent. In the end, it's just a date, perhaps easier to remember but a date just the same. What matters is action and results, not the date.

Traditionally, Christmas and New Year's eve were dates where I would wanted to be surrounded by loved ones, to cherish the time that has passed and that is to come. On 2011, I wasn't surrounded by people, but was loved just the same. When I see and talk to my friends I cherish and hope for the best just the same. Holidays are special and I like them when they are not just marketing opportunities. I hope for all my acquaintances, friends and family that they had a great time this holiday season and that they have a great next year.

A special shout out to my besties of besties Carolina, who is by my side and knows me better than anyone and still puts up with me. I love you Caro. And another shout out to my in-laws who are the best of people and not only are like my second set of parents but friends as well. Today I spent with them my first  winter picnic up in the mountains which was cold on my feet but really warm inside. It was a great way to start the year.

Cheers and happy New Year!